The Perfect Family…or not.

One of my favorite movies is the female-charged roller derby flick “Whip It.” I could sit here and quote the whole movie but instead I’ll jump straight to the quote that has inspired this blog post: (view actual scene here) “Just because you found a new family doesn’t mean you throw the old one away…”

I don’t know about you, but I could probably take a guess and say that Bliss (Ellen Page) and myself are not the only ones who have found a new “family” at one point in their life and thought about getting rid of their “old” family. It’s common and unfortunately some people really do it. But I’m here to talk you through that and hopefully you won’t, tempting as it may be.

The concept of family is a bit confusing to me. Two people love each other and get married (or that’s how it used to be) and start a family. Sometimes it’s 1 kid, sometimes it’s more…but either way, the couple produces an offspring. This person is then raised by their parents (usually) and grows up surrounded by the earlier generations of this family. All of these people share genes and therefore have overlapping traits, personalities and learned habits. However, each person has their own unique qualities as well. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t question God, but seriously…it just sounds like a setup for disaster. So that’s my conclusion – family = disaster. SO WHY DO WE EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

So many people are out searching for their “perfect” family…the Brady Bunch concept. Well ya know what, the Brady Bunch wasn’t perfect and neither is anyone else. God put a bunch of imperfect people together “for life” to help people LEARN how to love. Love is a feeling/emotion/concept that comes easy when you get to choose the person. Everyone else you have to learn how to love. That goes for your blood family, your adopted family (if you have one), your church family, your married into & extended family…all families are disaster zones. But God commands us to love and forgive and move forward. The bible tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. This is not a concept just for the prophets or teachers or “good” people. Learning to love and learning to forgive is for everyone and it’s what helps a family stay together and grow together. It’s so unfortunate that some people don’t see it that way and this concept/trait is a growing epidemic. Kids raised with unforgiving/not loving parents are usually not equipped to break the cycle and therefore will teach it to their kids and so on. We as children (no matter what age) have to make the active decision to break these hereditary curses. It just takes 1 person to break the chain and change the future of their family tree. Are you brave enough to be that person? To swallow your pride and selfishness and agree to disagree with someone? To forgive when it’s painful to even THINK about it. To apologize to the hardest people to admit failure to. To choose to love those that don’t seem worthy of loving…

The truth is, if you don’t learn to love and forgive – you’ll never find a family that’ll live up to your standards. All you’ll be left with is a lot of “old” families that you threw out.

I’ll leave you with one last movie quote from another favorite of mine. “Love is not a feeling – it’s an ability” – Dan in Real Life

The Perfect Family…or not.

One of my favorite movies is the female-charged roller derby flick “Whip It.” I could sit here and quote the whole movie but instead I’ll jump straight to the quote that has inspired this blog post: (view actual scene here) “Just because you found a new family doesn’t mean you throw the old one away…”

I don’t know about you, but I could probably take a guess and say that Bliss (Ellen Page) and myself are not the only ones who have found a new “family” at one point in their life and thought about getting rid of their “old” family. It’s common and unfortunately some people really do it. But I’m here to talk you through that and hopefully you won’t, tempting as it may be.

The concept of family is a bit confusing to me. Two people love each other and get married (or that’s how it used to be) and start a family. Sometimes it’s 1 kid, sometimes it’s more…but either way, the couple produces an offspring. This person is then raised by their parents (usually) and grows up surrounded by the earlier generations of this family. All of these people share genes and therefore have overlapping traits, personalities and learned habits. However, each person has their own unique qualities as well. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t question God, but seriously…it just sounds like a setup for disaster. So that’s my conclusion – family = disaster. SO WHY DO WE EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

So many people are out searching for their “perfect” family…the Brady Bunch concept. Well ya know what, the Brady Bunch wasn’t perfect and neither is anyone else. God put a bunch of imperfect people together “for life” to help people LEARN how to love. Love is a feeling/emotion/concept that comes easy when you get to choose the person. Everyone else you have to learn how to love. That goes for your blood family, your adopted family (if you have one), your church family, your married into & extended family…all families are disaster zones. But God commands us to love and forgive and move forward. The bible tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. This is not a concept just for the prophets or teachers or “good” people. Learning to love and learning to forgive is for everyone and it’s what helps a family stay together and grow together. It’s so unfortunate that some people don’t see it that way and this concept/trait is a growing epidemic. Kids raised with unforgiving/not loving parents are usually not equipped to break the cycle and therefore will teach it to their kids and so on. We as children (no matter what age) have to make the active decision to break these hereditary curses. It just takes 1 person to break the chain and change the future of their family tree. Are you brave enough to be that person? To swallow your pride and selfishness and agree to disagree with someone? To forgive when it’s painful to even THINK about it. To apologize to the hardest people to admit failure to. To choose to love those that don’t seem worthy of loving…

The truth is, if you don’t learn to love and forgive – you’ll never find a family that’ll live up to your standards. All you’ll be left with is a lot of “old” families that you threw out.

I’ll leave you with one last movie quote from another favorite of mine. “Love is not a feeling – it’s an ability” – Dan in Real Life

A Love Lesson

Husband, Wife, Spouse, Significant Other, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Lover, Guy I’m Seeing, Girl I’m Seeing…we have so many terms for that person in our life that just makes everything a bit better. And let me start off by saying, if you have someone in your life that you call by one of these terms and they DON’T make everything a bit better…I’d really start looking at the reasons why and see what you can do to make things better.

My husband is amazing. He knows I feel this way but for some reason I feel the need to tell the world today. I don’t know why he puts up with my craziness, but he does. And he does it with a smile. If I’m tired, he tucks me into bed. If I’m hungry, he makes me food. If I’m crying because nothing fits, he takes me shopping. If I have a craving, he does what he can to help. (The poor guy almost drove to NJ on a Saturday just to get me Chic-fil-a. Luckily I came to my senses and decided it was a craving worth saving for a more convenient time.) The basic point is this, my husband is my hero. Every single day I find a reason to fall more in love with him than the day before. See that? I FIND a reason. It’s not always what I feel or see first, but it’s always there.

So many people these days don’t appreciate the person they’re with. Their expectations are too high, they’re too selfish, they’re too blinded by what they think they deserve…the list goes on. But in my (almost) 4 years of marriage I’ve learned this. Love is a choice. It’s not always a feeling or emotion. I’m sure I could find one thing Chris does every day that drives me insane. But I choose to find one thing every day that I love about him. Sure there are days that I’m mad or annoyed with him, but there is never a day that I let myself not love him. And I know he does the same.

I thought it was a point worth sharing. Love who you’re with for who they are.

Oh To Be Loved

Oh to be young.

Oh to be cared for.

Oh to be carefree.

Oh to be loved.

Oh to be hopeful.

Oh to be optimistic.

Oh to be joyful.

Oh to be loved.

Oh to be considered.

Oh to be acknowledged.

Oh to be looked towards.

Oh to be loved.

“I love those who love me, And those who seek me diligently will find me.” – Proverbs 8:17

And She Moves

I just had to share this with someone and since hubbie is enjoying a boys weekend at PAX in Boston, I thought I’d share it with the bloggy world. Telling him over the phone just didn’t do it for me haha.

Last night I was hanging out on the couch watching Season 1 of 10 Things I Hate About You (ya know, to get ready for season 2 which starts on Monday). Don’t judge. Well anyway, while watching the “will they won’t they” of Kat and Patrick, baby Charlotte (my unborn child) started moving around. At this point I’m used to her moving. She kicks and shifts all of the time. But somehow I knew this time was different. I looked down and noticed my entire stomach moving. It was the most amazing thing I think I’ve ever felt. I know she’s real. I see the sonogram and feel her moving. But to actually SEE her moving around was just the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. It literally brought me to tears, realizing how much I already love her and I haven’t even met her yet. Just to know that in about 3 months I’ll be able to hold her in my arms and tell her about the beauty of the world…it’s just so amazing. I never knew I’d feel this way. I guess no one can prepare you for the miracle of life. To be honest, I’m glad. It’s so much more moving to experience it without any expectations.

So that’s it…just had to share. I’m sure you moms can relate and everyone else can’t. But thanks for reading anyway

Immortal? I Don’t Think So.

I’ll be honest with you, this non-stop talk of 2012 and Jesus’ return is kinda driving me nuts. I wholeheartedly believe we should be living every day as if this could be our last day. Sure, it’s likely that you’ll live tomorrow. And it’s definitely possible that the year 2013 will come and the only thing that’s different is that you gained a few pounds. But how is it that people have been ignoring their own mortality until now? I mean come-on, we’ve all known for a very long time that one day we will die. We all know people that were living one day and weren’t the next. Most of us even know people that died unexpectedly. So why is it that “the end of the world” makes things more realistic?

Is it because a lot of people live day to day without realizing that a day just passed that they’ll never get back? Maybe even weeks stuck in a routine. Years fly by without a conscience thought of death being a possibility. Or have some people gotten to the point of actually thinking they’re immortal? Not in a superhero sense, but in a “living in my own world” sense.

Ya know what, it doesn’t REALLY matter the reason. What matters is that people need to wake up and realize that one day, whether it be in 3 years or in 50 years, we’re all going to leave this earth and face God and the reality of what we did during our life span. I’m not trying to scare anyone, if anything, I’m trying to set you free. Don’t be afraid of the future, just be aware of it. Live each day on purpose. Aware of what you’re doing and what you’re saying. Don’t waste time with things you aren’t supposed to be doing. Love a lot. Live a lot. Make a difference. And do everyone a favor (and please pass this on), stop talking about the world ending. You don’t know what’s going to happen. Instead, start speaking LIFE into people and encouraging them not to waste theirs. It’ll do more good.

Family Time

If there’s one thing most people do around the holidays, it’s spend extra time with their family. Whether it be visiting those that live in a different state or just simply making more time, it’s a nice part of the busy season. Personally, my relationship with my family has been a journey. We have times of not speaking for weeks and then other times of seeing each other just a bit too much. I’m happy to write that at this very moment, it seems we have found a great balance. I love my family, but too much time together is no good…and too much time apart makes the heart ache.

I just wanted to share how lucky I am to have such a loving family. The fact that my mother in law is becoming a part of my blood family is something I’ve always dreamed of. My youngest brother is graduating college this weekend and my middle brother just passed his test to go into the insurance business that he’s been striving for. My parents are happy together and my mom and I are getting closer as my pregnancy becomes more “real.” It’s really a great time for us and I’m so blessed to have all of them in my life. Not to mention the extras that come with them (my sister in law who I rarely see but always have a good time with, my future sister in law who will soon live only 15 minutes away and the girlfriend that’s made my brother so happy). And well, I just can’t not mention my wonderful husband. Seriously, he’s the best guy out there and I’d be lost without him. I could go on and on because my extended family is all great too – but that’s just too much emotions for me! haha.

So, for any family members reading this – I love you!! I’m so proud to be a part of this crazy little family of ours.

Love, Hate and Coffee

I’m torn between 2 topics to write about. Both are weighing heavy on my heart and therefore I’ve decided to combine the two. Please excuse the chaos.

The past few mornings I’ve been waking up with “Praise the Lamb” – Alli Rogers stuck in my head. Not really hard to figure out why, it’s the song we’re presenting a dance to on Sunday in church. (All are welcome to come by the way! Sunday 10am @ connections church in wappingers falls). So this morning I woke up singing this song. Then realized my head was still pounding from the migraine I developed yesterday and I was going to take a sick day, so I went back to bed. When I re-awoke at 10:45am (yup!! haha it felt goood) I was singing a different tune. It was non other than the Beatles’ song “All you need is love.” Now it could be because every blog and tweet I read is chatting about the Beatles’ Rock Band coming out. Or it could be that my life is surrounded by love and although it’s not all I need, it sure is a big part of it. Comments/thoughts welcome on this!

Now this transitions me oh so horribly into my 2nd blog topic.

I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. My gosh I love the taste so much. I have a physical passion for it’s taste, a mental craving for it’s comfort and an emotional drawing because of past memories over coffee. However. I do know that it’s not good to literally love coffee. And I know that it’s the reason for the migraine I had for 20 hours over the past 2 days (yes, yikes).  Let me explain.

Coffee does not give me migraines. BUT coffee takes the place of drinking alternative beverages such as, oh I don’t know, WATER. My body is seriously dehydrated this past week due to my increasing consumption of coffee and therefore decreasing consumption of water. So little water + caffeine over 3 days = massive migraine.

So one would think that I would now be like “oh my gosh give me water.” I wish that were the case folks. I’m craving it so bad. It’s so hard to sit at home and not make myself a ginormous pot of coffee and refill my beautiful ceramic mug over and over again while watching the most ridiculous movies until Chris comes home. So I took the high road. The coffee stays in the jar, the mug stays on the shelf and a bottle of water is sitting in front of me. And this transitions me even worse than before into my last thought of the day.

This is the 3rd time in the past week or 2 that this thought came to mind, so I think I’ll share it with you. In life we’re usually given 2 options. We can take the high road or the low road. The hard choice or the easy choice. The wide or the narrow. Do you have it in you to choose the right one?

Love, Peace & Jerry Garcia

Last night was Rachel’s 70s party. Before we left work a co-worker of ours said “have fun, be safe and remember, love peace and Jerry Garcia.” I laughed, a lot. But here it is, about 18 hours later and I still have that quote in my head. Why in the world would that have stuck with me? I don’t know. But it did bring me to a thought that I’d like to share today. And something I’d really like to clear up for those that know me but might not really know me. 

People seem to think I’m a green, earth-friendly, bordering on carefree modern hippie (all the love and peace but without the hairy legs and stringy hair…ok some days my hair is stringy). So I need to clear something up to at least a handful of you. I do believe in recycling and taking care of the world, I do believe in fighting for what you believe in but doing it in love, I do believe in loving everyone and trying to be positive about everything, I am a pretty laid back easy going person but I would never classify myself the way some people do. Some say modern hippie, some say conservative religious person, some say mono-toned girl who has no opinion or emotions towards anything. Well whatever you think I am, that’s fine. But it’s time for the truth. Something that is always there but maybe not said out loud enough.

I’m not a hippie. I’m not a believer of free acceptance of all people and the whole “anything goes” style of living that has become so commonplace. I’m not really that “green.” I’m not a tree-hugging save the earth and animals type of person. I’m not very charitable. I’m not religious. I don’t even believe in religion. I’m not mono-toned. I’m not lacking in opinions and I’m definitely not always cool, calm, collected and emotion-less.

I am a God loving, God fearing woman and that is the only thing that defines my life. I believe that God created this earth and it’s disrespecting him to not try and take care of it. I do not believe that God wants anyone to be religious. Sure the bible sets rules of how He wants us to live, but I 110% believe that God sent his son, Jesus, to cancel out those rules that are so impossible to never break. I live in the freedom that Jesus gave his life for. I’m not opinion-less, I just respect other people’s opinions and do not always feel the need to say mine if it won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I believe that God doesn’t want anyone stressed, angry, mad and heavy-hearted so I do my best to not be that way. I only give money and my time to the things God puts on my heart. I do believe that God has created us and this world in love and it’s our responsibility to love everyone, no matter who they are and what they’ve done. Forgiveness and a bitter-less heart and lifestyle is crucial. I believe that the bible is truth and is the manual to life. I do believe that living for Jesus is the only way to live but will never not love someone because they don’t agree. I go to church a lot but contrary to what many people think, it’s not my life. Jesus is my life and I would love everyone I know to live the same way. So yes, love and peace, but not Jerry Garcia.

Oh, and that whole mono-toned thing…if you know me at all, you’ll know that I do have emotions and a personality…you just might not get me.

A Christmas Story

Once there was a girl who didn’t know much about Christmas. She knew that it was a time of year that her friends went to church, the neighbors put lights on their houses, there was fun music on the radio and presents miraculously appearing underneath a tree. As she got older she started to dislike Christmas more and more. She began realizing that she didn’t “belong” to the holiday and therefore felt guilty celebrating each year. Then one day it all made sense. The meaning of Christmas appeared. Not only is Christmas the celebration of the birth of Christ (which by the way, he wasn’t born in December) but it is about what Christ stands for — love. It’s about loving your family, your friends, your neighbors, your enemies and even your strangers. It’s about showing love to those that do and don’t know the meaning of love. It’s about being selfless. And most of all, it’s about loving without judgment, without expectation and without conditions.

So this Christmas, this girl will spend it with her family who she has chosen to love unconditionally and with a best friend who she will love no matter what circumstances may come. This Christmas – who will you choose to love?

To all of my readers – no matter what you believe – I wish you a very Happy Christmas. I love you all.