It’s Not There…Nor There..

As a Christian I’ve learned that the way to get answers or fix a bad mood or even just to find a little lift to a normal day, is by connecting with God. I’ve also learned that there are many ways to connect with God. Not just the traditional read the bible, pray, fast and fellowship ways…but by reading Christian blogs, meditating on devotionals, worshipping to music, staring at the sky and reading a well written Christian novel. I know from experience that I “get something” from all of the above, but it’s more fun/entertaining/interesting to choose from the second list as opposed to the first.

But what happens when you choose from the 2nd list 90% of the time? I’ve found that you end up living a bit too spiritually. It becomes very easy to come up with your own theories, meditate on certain scriptures and ignore others that are also important, become judgemental of others (specifically traditional Christians) and worst of all, you end up having a 2nd hand relationship with God and cheat yourself of the connection your soul desires.

Lately I find myself in this boat. I’m praying and reading blogs, waiting for that divine revelation. I’m praying and listening to music, waiting for that one line to bring me to tears. I’m praying and going for a walk, waiting to hear God’s voice. And sometimes it really happens that way. But I’m finding more often than not, God impressing on my heart “you won’t find it there…nor there. It’s in my word.”

Why is it so much harder to sit down and read my bible than to do any of those other things? I know the answer, yet honestly, it doesn’t often change my actions for long. I know God’s truth is within his word. I know words spoken that pertain to today are sitting in there for me to read first hand. I know learning and hearing about God are done through other people’s interpretations when you don’t go directly to the source yourself. But still, day after day, I find it hard to sit down and open my bible. But I know that when I do, oh man, I regret every other time I didn’t. I just wish that feeling would last. But no, the struggle continues.

Anyone else with me on this? I know there has to be someone out there that isn’t the perfect Christian we want everyone to think we are. Well whether you admit it or not, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. There is no perfect person and no perfect Christian. This is my weakness – admit to yourself, what’s yours?

 “As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.” – 2 Samuel 22:31

Ok God, you can stop laughing now

Ever have one of those days (or hours in my case) when you’re sure that God is laughing at you?

Chris’ birthday is Saturday and since I have no clue how to not make a big deal of birthdays – I’m a little swamped with last minute things to do today. So I opted-out of going to the gym and opted-in to going to Walmart. On my lunch break. In downtown White Plains. yea. What was I thinking?? I have no patience for Walmart at 2am on a Wednesday, why would I go during lunch time in a city??

So I drive downtown and find the “Walmart parking garage.” I drive up what seems like a perfect chase scene no way out ramp and come to a faded sign that reads “up to 15 minutes – $3, up to 2 hours – $4…”. “At Walmart?!?!” I think to myself. “People shop at Walmart to SAVE money! I think it’s crazy that Whole Foods charges $3 to park but that’s more justified than this! I hate cities! This is so dumb! etc. etc.” in my head. But there is no where to turn around. So I park and get in the elevator. I look at all of the buttons and realize that I have no idea what level I just parked on. There is also no sign telling me which level Walmart is on. So I pick Level 4 (??) Yea, God is definitely laughing at me.

Finally I hit the “P” and get out to the main street. I’m now flustered and about to enter Walmart. Bad sign.

Within 10 minutes of wandering around the bustling store and getting stepped on by 4 different ladies, I gave up. I put my basket down in an aisle and walked out. (YUP! I DIDN’T EVEN PUT IT AWAY. TAKE THAT WALMART!)
**sorry God..**

I then remembered that there is a CVS about a block and a half away. So I jaywalked across the road and wandered around CVS for a while. I found a few things I needed so it wasn’t a total loss. I get to the register and pull out my $3 extra bucks and realize that I have NO cash to pay for the parking garage where my car is, at the store that I didn’t shop at. Please note that it would have cost me 10 cents to pay for a meter in front of CVS.

And then God gave me a break. Or opened my eyes. Or stopped laughing and started helping. I don’t know what you want to call it but the heavens opened up and I found my answers.

MY DEBIT CARD CAN DO CASH BACK! GLORY!! haha.

So I get my cash back at the register and head back to the parking garage. Along the way I hear music. Turns out, there is a spanish band playing right near the water fountain and people are dancing everywhere! Old and young. Business workers and shopping moms. It’s a FIIIIEESSSTA! So that cheered me up. I love seeing people having fun.

I find my way to the elevator and realize that my parking receipt probably says what level I parked on. Sure enough it reads “Level 5, right side.” What detail! So I get to my car, get on line to exit, and read the very clear sign this meter has. “Up to 15 minutes…FREE. Up to 2 hours…$3….Walmart parking free with receipt. Up to 3 hours.” Oh my. I felt like a prize idiot. I’m convinced God was laughing. Hard. I was even laughing at myself at this point.

So I pull out to the road and soon realized I actually chose the perfect exit as it brought me out to the exact place I needed to be…and drove back to work.

Moral of the story? Don’t go to Walmart on lunch break. Just kidding. Although true, I’m pretty convinced God is trying to teach me to take a breath and take my time. Read signs. Smile at people. Don’t rush through life and sweat the small stuff.

No Such Thing as Coincidences

For those who don’t know – I’ve been battling a stomach bug/virus for the latter half of the week. So instead of trying to put a great blog together on how I don’t believe in coincidences, I thought I’d refer you to someone who has just wrote about it and with an amazing personal story to go along with it. Her name is Jenny and she’s the lead singer of the Christian pop rock band Addison Road. I love her blog and I love her band so please trust me and check her out. Her latest 2 blogs go together and will encourage anyone, believer or not, that God is always working, whether you know him or not.

Take a read: Jenny’s Blog: Craigslist – Start from the bottom up and Jenny’s Blog: Q&A.

Mini Blog – Prayers

I promised a blog for today but here’s the thing. I already took my lunch break. And I already wasted enough time this morning playing with my flickr account. So I have no time to write. And unfortunately what I want to write on, will take me days to put together. So I will put it together…but it won’t be published for a few days. So this is to hold you over until then

Lately I’ve been noticing how God answers prayers. Sometimes immediately as in the case of my co-worker’s daughter’s baby. And sometimes months later, as is the case with some of my personal prayers.

Immediate prayers are great but to me, they come and go quicker than my favorite chocolate bar (Green & Black’s Dark Mint Chocolate in case you were wondering). It’s the longer cases that really hit home and stick. And from what I’ve learned, they’re also the ones that I find myself literally crying about for days before realizing that I asked for it. My prayer was just answered.

As I said, I can’t go deep into this, but here’s the main point of today’s blog. GOD WON’T ALWAYS ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS THE WAY THAT YOU THINK HE SHOULD. but. HE WILL ANSWER THEM. and sometimes they will hurt. and sometimes you’ll rejoice. but always. God is in control.

Oh the Memories…of Cornerstone 2009

So, it’s the much anticipated blog about my trip to Cornerstone. Maybe it’s not so anticipated but I’ve sure been anxious to write it. So much happened between the end of June and beginning of July that it’s actually been a real challenge to write this blog. So here we go…and I’m sure I’ll forget 50 things.

Top Moments on our trip:

• Seeing House of Heroes live again. Everytime I see them they get better and better. It touched me how genuine Tim said “thank you guys” after playing. I love when fans are truly appreciated and loved. And just a side note, Colin smiled the whole time. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a drummer smile so much. It’s so contagious.

• Seeing Bradley Hathaway upclose for his live set and then meeting him the day after.  What an amazingly true and humble guy. And soo talented.
• Discovering/visiting the Christmas Story house & museum in Cleveland, Ohio. What a surprisingly fun day.
• Talking to the guy at the Black and White Attire booth. I’m so excited to wear my new shirt. It’s such an amazing feeling knowing the company whos shirt you’re wearing and knowing the full story behind the design.
• Meeting the worship leaders of The Alive Band and getting to worship with them Saturday morning in the rain. I’ve listened to their cd 4 times already haha.
• Morning worship almost every day. It’s so exciting to be in a tent filled with the holy spirit and people craving a touch from God. Especially people from all different denominations and locations.
• Sitting around the campsite talking to my Cornerstone friends of old and new. Kairsie, Dave, Kevin, Fitzpatrick, Brooks, Tim, Joel, Adam, Dima, Jeremy, Alex, random band members of The Ember Days aannd I’m probably forgetting someone…sorry about that if I did.
• Spending hours and hours of quality time with Chris. We grow closer every year we go away. This year was even better than usual. I love you

• Watching Josh Garrels play and literally crying during his set. His music is so powerful.

• Meeting and then watching Everfound. This young band WILL be going very far if they stay close to God. They led great, genuine worship and carry a very powerful message. Please don’t turn into the Christian Jonas Brothers (haha, inside joke.)

• The music seminars with Ryot Entertainment and Traa from P.O.D. They really helped Chris and I get a focus for his next project and re-directed our vision. Then getting to talk to Traa for a while just topped it off. The future is looking SO good and exciting.
• Sneaking away to the Imaginarium to watch part of Lars and the Real Girl. Watching a movie under a tent while it’s raining was very romantic
• Learning common word mix-ups between the US and England and New Zealand. The world we live in is pretty funny sometimes.
• Sitting in the press tent listening to Grandfather Rock talk about Becky and the DCBoys haha. We learned a lot from him.
• Sitting outside with my blanket reading my bible and hearing from God. Man there is nothing like it. Then the humor of DJ Dima and I trying to light a candle for 20 minutes. Then joined by other boys. Insert a “how many people does it take” joke here.
• The fact that Tim was the only person to grab my camera and take a picture with me. It meant a lot to me – I spent the whole week taking pictures of them lol.
• Joel buying me tea when I didn’t feel good. The smallest thing really meant a lot to Chris and I. Thanks buddy!!
• Taking pictures of people doing what they love to do. I’m looking forward to sharing with everyone soon.
• And I saved the best memory for last…learning the meaning of grace. The entire week I felt God showing me, teaching me and demonstrating to me what the meaning of God’s grace is. It was everywhere and I cried every time I saw it. The true knowledge that we are who we are because of God’s grace is so overwhelming that there really are no words to describe it. I’m so amazed by the wonder and awe that our creator is.

Well..I know I have more memories to share but I’m a bit spent. If I feel the need to share more I will. Photos are on my facebook. If you aren’t my facebook friend then just send me an email or comment and I’ll send you some photos

Dwelling

I love the word dwelling lately. It’s struck a cord with my soul. A dwelling place to dwell…I just instantly go into a peaceful state of mind. A location where no harm, stress or anxiety can get to me. There is no anger, there is no hurt. It’s just a nice place to be. A nice place to meditate on God. A place to enjoy His beauty around me. A place to learn and be corrected without anyone saying a word to me.

God is my dwelling place. His word speaks a loud. And I’m sooo excited to spend a week in the corn fields dwelling with Him and His people. To all going to Cornerstone – it’s easy to get swept up in the non-stop fun, but let’s not forget to dwell in Him. Find God in all that you do.

Oh Cornerstone, how I ___ thee

Well, it’s almost that time of year. The time when Chris and I pack the car to the top with camping gear, music gear, cameras, sunblock, bug spray and Clif Bars. Yup, it’s time for Cornerstone Festival 2009! And to be honest, this has been the first year I have had mixed feelings about it. It may be because last year’s trip was sooo long and ended sooo disappointing because of Chris getting sick and us having to 1-leave very early and 2-drive 17 hours with Chris not feeling well, after a trip to the hospital in the middle of IL, late at night. But anyway, here’s my run down of the good the bad and the smelly.

The good: This is the one time of year that for a week I feel completely free to be myself. Cornerstone brings out the creativity in me, the friendliness, the joy, the excitement…and it’s also the only place I go and (for the most part) don’t judge people. Yup, I said it. I judge people. Whether I like to or not, it happens. But at Cornerstone you just expect people to look, act and think different. I mean seriously, the seminars themselves should tell you that. In one festival you can attend seminars on: what God says about gays, womens roles in the church, modern evangelism, God in movies, the music industry, song writing and poetry, witnessing to the homeless, and missions going on around the world. Not to mention the goth presence, the hippies of the Jesus Village, the sports areas, the underground tent that draws in the heavy metal fans and hardcore group right next to the kid’s tent and the artists area. It’s an amazing gathering of ALL of God’s precious creations. And we obviously cannot forget that booming Afterhours Dance Barn that Chris and I are very much apart of. Ahhh, there is nothing like falling asleep in a tent under the trees hearing the thumping of the club fused with a late night worship band with just a touch of hardcore music. And yes, I do fall right asleep haha. When you hear God in all of it, it’s amazing what music you grow to like. So what else is good? The freshness of time with God. The friends we’ve made over the years and are very much looking forward to seeing in a week. The sunsets of Illinois are 10 times better than NY. The friendliness and acceptance of the people there. The music. Ahhh the music. So many great bands playing at all times.

The bad: The shower houses are horrible. They smell. They’re crowded. The curtains to most showers are torn. And it’s hard to be pretty with no hair dryers or full length mirrors. Sleeping in a tent for 6 days.  It’s fun the first few days – then I miss a bed in a room. Being the only girl (well okay, there are always a few, but you know what I mean!). As much as I really do love the guys that we camp and hang with all week, it’s hard not having a girl to sit around and chat with. I love dance music, but it’s hard for me to be in the dance barn 4-6 hours/night for 3-4 nights. I need my acoustic rock. I need my songwriter music. And THANK GOD I have a husband that understands and respects that. I know if I wasn’t there he’d spend all of his time in the barn so I appreciate that he knows I’m not like that. But, a big part of me feels guilty for “pulling him away” from the friends he only gets to see once/year. The friends that he’s always longing for, DJ/producer friends.

So I guess overall, the good outweighs the bad and that’s why we’re going, and that’s why I’ll be smiling (hopefully) the whole time. In the end, God, his people, and my husband matter more than the selfish “bads” I’ve come up with. I’m excited for the journey, the new people we’ll meet and of course the old friends that we’ve already made. So to Kevin, Dave, Alex, Brooks, Fitzpatrick, Glow, Kairsie, Kendrick, Joel, Jeremy and to whoever else I’m missing — see you soon!!! And Kevin, if you really bring me sweet tea, you’ll be my favorite for the week haha

The stars and the moon and the sky

Life is busy. Between work and church and family and friends and movies and music and eating and coffee and the 1500 other things we squeeze into a week…it’s busy. But then there is that moment where life stops and reality hits. Not the reality of my to-do list. But the reality that there is something so much bigger surrounding me at all times.

The grass is green so are the trees. How far away are the stars? There are other states, other countries, other planets out there. Every day someone is born and someone dies. There is a war going on. People are starving. Others are kings and queens. The world is made up of all different languages. And skin tones. My brain tells my fingers what to type. I could go on forever.

Take a moment and think about it. Most likely, whatever is going on right now in your life…there is probably something bigger.

“Look up look up look up into the sky love. You see that moon shine it’s so high up above us. It rolls around on the account of a bunch of scientific stuff. I like to think it does just because he loves us” - Bradley Hathaway

RIP DJ 404

Keep the Peace

Walk around the streets of any city and you’ll find a lot going on. You’ll see a lot of violence and hate. You’ll see a lot of anger and hurt. You’ll feel the depression and overall struggle within people. But then something will catch your attention and the pain will go away. Whether it’s a couple holding hands, a baby sleeping or a gust of wind through the trees on a warm spring day. There is peace without a protest. There is love without a song and there is a hope without a word.

I think sometimes we need to close our eyes and open our hearts to the hope, peace and joy that can still be found on the earth today. We need to trust one another when there is no reason to trust. We need to love one another even when we don’t feel the love first. And we need to spread peace and hope even when the media is reminding us that the world is at war and there is little excuse to smile.

So do yourself a favor. Turn off the tv. Put down the newspaper. Silence the people around you. And go outside. Close your eyes. Take a deep breathe. And realize that God has kept you alive for another day and the possibilities of that day are endless.

The Ultimate Peace

For Christmas my boss got me the book “Izzy & Lenore. Two Dogs, an Unexpected Journey, and me.” I was a bit confused. I know he knows I like to read but why would he get me a book about dogs? I’m not one of those fanatical dog people. I don’t even live with one anymore. But, I trust my boss’ opinion and so the book went into queue (aka the bookshelf until I finished the books I was already reading). Well, it’s April and the book is off the shelf and in my hands. I’m not very far in but already I know that I love the book. First, it’s written in upstate NY. Not Rochester upstate, outside of Albany upstate. Second, it’s about life and relationships. The relationships just happen to be involving dogs.

Okay, to the point. 

Today I was reading and part of the book jumped off the pages and streamed right into the center of my heart. So I thought I’d share.

“I saw him close his eyes. (The dog, Izzy). If he were a cat he might have purred. The contact, the place, the moment seemed to bring him such pleasure, as if this were precisely what he’d been waiting for behind his fence all those years. He plopped his head into my lap and simply calmed down. It was almost as if he’d decided he was safe, that he understood life here, grasped the simple rules, and was now willing to abide on the farm in peace…He simply became my dog.” – Jon Katz

After reading this paragraph I simply closed my eyes, took a deep breath and enjoyed the moment. My moment. God was speaking straight to my heart through the words about a dog. The way Izzy felt and acted (that changed his life and Jon’s) is the same way I feel when I’m in God’s presence. That peace. That calm. That knowing that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. The safety of your father/your owner watching over you. Knowing and understanding the rules He has created so that you become who you’re supposed to be. The rules that will guide you into safety.

Love, Peace & Jerry Garcia

Last night was Rachel’s 70s party. Before we left work a co-worker of ours said “have fun, be safe and remember, love peace and Jerry Garcia.” I laughed, a lot. But here it is, about 18 hours later and I still have that quote in my head. Why in the world would that have stuck with me? I don’t know. But it did bring me to a thought that I’d like to share today. And something I’d really like to clear up for those that know me but might not really know me. 

People seem to think I’m a green, earth-friendly, bordering on carefree modern hippie (all the love and peace but without the hairy legs and stringy hair…ok some days my hair is stringy). So I need to clear something up to at least a handful of you. I do believe in recycling and taking care of the world, I do believe in fighting for what you believe in but doing it in love, I do believe in loving everyone and trying to be positive about everything, I am a pretty laid back easy going person but I would never classify myself the way some people do. Some say modern hippie, some say conservative religious person, some say mono-toned girl who has no opinion or emotions towards anything. Well whatever you think I am, that’s fine. But it’s time for the truth. Something that is always there but maybe not said out loud enough.

I’m not a hippie. I’m not a believer of free acceptance of all people and the whole “anything goes” style of living that has become so commonplace. I’m not really that “green.” I’m not a tree-hugging save the earth and animals type of person. I’m not very charitable. I’m not religious. I don’t even believe in religion. I’m not mono-toned. I’m not lacking in opinions and I’m definitely not always cool, calm, collected and emotion-less.

I am a God loving, God fearing woman and that is the only thing that defines my life. I believe that God created this earth and it’s disrespecting him to not try and take care of it. I do not believe that God wants anyone to be religious. Sure the bible sets rules of how He wants us to live, but I 110% believe that God sent his son, Jesus, to cancel out those rules that are so impossible to never break. I live in the freedom that Jesus gave his life for. I’m not opinion-less, I just respect other people’s opinions and do not always feel the need to say mine if it won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I believe that God doesn’t want anyone stressed, angry, mad and heavy-hearted so I do my best to not be that way. I only give money and my time to the things God puts on my heart. I do believe that God has created us and this world in love and it’s our responsibility to love everyone, no matter who they are and what they’ve done. Forgiveness and a bitter-less heart and lifestyle is crucial. I believe that the bible is truth and is the manual to life. I do believe that living for Jesus is the only way to live but will never not love someone because they don’t agree. I go to church a lot but contrary to what many people think, it’s not my life. Jesus is my life and I would love everyone I know to live the same way. So yes, love and peace, but not Jerry Garcia.

Oh, and that whole mono-toned thing…if you know me at all, you’ll know that I do have emotions and a personality…you just might not get me.

Thank GOD for igoogle

Ephesians 2:8-9 (New King James Version)

Cultural Interest

Lately I find myself absolutely intrigued by other cultures. Whether it’s the study of a different religion or the observation of a different way of life, I’m completely interested. Not to change who I am, but to understand why people are so different. To understand why we don’t all believe the same things.

I’ve been specifically interested in India and Muslims as well as Orthodox Jews over the past few months. I can’t say there is a specific reason why, but I find myself reading about the cultures, watching independently filmed movies and hearing stories of the most fascinating people.

A few months ago Chris and I discovered the movie “Outsourced.” A movie about an American call center manager who is sent over to India to train the people who will now be taking over his old job. Through this movie you learn so much about the country and traditions that I somehow felt jealous. Jealous that I don’t feel like I live a life with such purpose and history. That I do what I want when I want and don’t have much reason behind it. Not the way other people do from different countries.

Today I watched the movie “Arranged.” A movie about 2 women, 1 Muslim and 1 Orthodox Jewish, who become friends due to their understanding of the difficulty of living a traditional, religious life in modern day New York. You follow these 2 women, a bit younger than I am, who live with the pressure of being social outcasts, the pressure their family puts on them to follow the path they’ve been put on, the pressure of arranged marriages, and ultimately the questioning of whether or not they believe in what they were brought up to believe in. They learn about their others religions and affect others around them. It’s a great story. And again, I was so intrigued by their dedication and faithfulness to what they believe in. Neither gave in (for the most part) to the worldly, judgmental abuse they face on a daily basis. I was encouraged.

And lastly, this past weekend we had guest missionaries at our church who work over in Muslim nations preaching and affecting the lives of anyone that will listen. Their stories affected me in a deep way.

As I always say, God is up to something….

I’m not saying that I’m called to India or Muslims…but maybe I am. I know I’m called to the Jews…they’re the ones I’m constantly praying for. For my family. My loved ones. But I think the bigger picture is the message of knowing who you are, what you believe in, and not letting anyone steal that from you. Not giving in to the world and their thoughts on what is best for you. Not to let anyone tell you that you’re wrong for doing what you believe in. It’s a message from God that now is the time to be who He’s called us to be.

Baptize again

Last night was very different than my normal Tuesday nights. My church has a Tuesday night “cafe” service. It started out as a laid back time of simple, coffeehouse-esk worship music and a night of the attendees sharing what God is doing in their life and ir was really centered around the prophetic. I loved it. But as with many things I like, things changed. Now it’s more of a Sunday service but with the opportunity to sit at small tables and have a beverage during it. If you can’t tell by now, I was disappointed. I’m a coffeehouse prophetic word share a story type of girl and it was something I really loved doing after a long day at work. But, as I’ve found out many times, I’m a bit unique. So is my husband. So is my pastor. So is my “daughter.” But we’re considered unique because we’re the minority in most situations. This one included.

Luckily, I did what I always say “I should have done” later on. I gave it to God. I realized that I kicked my butt to get there last night and there was no way I was going to sit around all night complaining that things aren’t how I want them. And God heard me.

Last night the church did water baptisms for those that hadn’t had one before. This was the service before it. At first I thought I couldn’t possibly learn anything. I’ve been baptized and ugh, it’s a boring tradition. There’s nothing prophetic or new about the concept. Well, so I thought. My pastor preached about baptism in such a way that I was completely humbled by the fact that I made such a commitment to God at such an early stage in my Christian life. I think that if it were 2 years ago and I was sitting in that service, I may have snuck out early. I may have thought I wasn’t so sure about being baptized anymore. He explained the seriousness of the commitment. He explained the condition your life, heart and mind must be in to be baptized. It made me think. Am I in that condition now? Was I in that condition 2 weeks ago? I realized that once we’re baptized – we’ve actually commited to God that from that day forward we would remain in that condition. The condition of putting our relationship with Jesus first, of making disciples, of having a willing and open heart, of having a pure spirit and mind…what a commitment!

Watching members of my church family be baptized minutes later brought back every reminder of what it means to be a Christian. Physically it’s such a small act to be baptized, but spiritually…there’s nothing like it. We need to be spiritually baptized daily in order to fulfill the commitment God asks of us.