I’m a Needy Friend

Friendships are tricky – let’s take a look at a timeline of how it works.

When we were babies - if you napped around the same time and your moms were friends, you were best friends and saw each other almost every day.
When we were kids - if you liked the same toy or had the same hobby you were best friends and played every day.
When we were teenagers - if you liked the same band or store at the mall you were best friends and hung out almost every day.
When we were single young adults - if you liked the same bars/clubs you were best friends and hung out every weekend.
When we were dating young adults - if you liked the same movies and restaurants you were best friends and hung out every few weeks.
When we were married young adults - if you liked the same board games and take out you were best friends and hung out maybe once a month.
When we were married young adults with children - if your kids got along and napped at the same time and work schedules aligned and there were no family obligations you were best friends and hung out every few months.

I can’t go any further because I’m not at those stages yet but I’m GUESSING until your kids move out of the house, it only gets more and more difficult to keep a best friend. And yet the bible talks about friendships so obviously they’re important…so how do we do it? As an introvert it’s something I’m working on and struggling through every day. I know there are people out there who just go to social gatherings, make a bunch of friends, casually get together with them and are completely happy and satisfied by those type of relationships…but that’s just not me. I’m a 2 good friends type of person. I love being a best friend, not an acquaintance. I hate forgetting people’s names so it’s much easier to only have to remember a few of them. I’m bad at remembering details of people’s lives so I’d rather know everything about 2 people than a little about 10. I like sitting down and talking for hours about everything, not talking about the weather and the kids and whatever else we can find to chat about. I’m getting better at doing it but it’s just not naturally who I am.

So why would God create me to be a certain way if it doesn’t fit in with the stage of life I’m in? I don’t know really. Maybe He’s pushing me to not be SUCH an introvert. Maybe He knows the desires of my heart but also knows that my lifestyle can’t handle such a “needy” friendship. Maybe He knows that there are a lot of people out there who would be great to have influence on my life and all of those traits don’t exist in just 2 people. And maybe there are more than 2 people out there who need something from me.

The thing I am learning is the timeless knowledge that you get what you put in. I have to constantly ask myself “what type of friend do you want?” “Well, then what type of friend do you need to be?” If you want to have a friendship with someone a lot of times you have to take the first step. Make the first move. It’s like dating all over again. Suck it up and ask her to coffee. Or to come over for a playdate. Maybe it’s just saying hi with a smile next time you see her. If we think back to dating and treat friendships the same way (minus the intimacy obviously), I think we’ll all develop some great, meaningful friendships that are a bit less than “best friends” but definitely more than just acquaintances.

I’m a Needy Friend

Friendships are tricky – let’s take a look at a timeline of how it works.

When we were babies - if you napped around the same time and your moms were friends, you were best friends and saw each other almost every day.
When we were kids - if you liked the same toy or had the same hobby you were best friends and played every day.
When we were teenagers - if you liked the same band or store at the mall you were best friends and hung out almost every day.
When we were single young adults - if you liked the same bars/clubs you were best friends and hung out every weekend.
When we were dating young adults - if you liked the same movies and restaurants you were best friends and hung out every few weeks.
When we were married young adults - if you liked the same board games and take out you were best friends and hung out maybe once a month.
When we were married young adults with children - if your kids got along and napped at the same time and work schedules aligned and there were no family obligations you were best friends and hung out every few months.

I can’t go any further because I’m not at those stages yet but I’m GUESSING until your kids move out of the house, it only gets more and more difficult to keep a best friend. And yet the bible talks about friendships so obviously they’re important…so how do we do it? As an introvert it’s something I’m working on and struggling through every day. I know there are people out there who just go to social gatherings, make a bunch of friends, casually get together with them and are completely happy and satisfied by those type of relationships…but that’s just not me. I’m a 2 good friends type of person. I love being a best friend, not an acquaintance. I hate forgetting people’s names so it’s much easier to only have to remember a few of them. I’m bad at remembering details of people’s lives so I’d rather know everything about 2 people than a little about 10. I like sitting down and talking for hours about everything, not talking about the weather and the kids and whatever else we can find to chat about. I’m getting better at doing it but it’s just not naturally who I am.

So why would God create me to be a certain way if it doesn’t fit in with the stage of life I’m in? I don’t know really. Maybe He’s pushing me to not be SUCH an introvert. Maybe He knows the desires of my heart but also knows that my lifestyle can’t handle such a “needy” friendship. Maybe He knows that there are a lot of people out there who would be great to have influence on my life and all of those traits don’t exist in just 2 people. And maybe there are more than 2 people out there who need something from me.

The thing I am learning is the timeless knowledge that you get what you put in. I have to constantly ask myself “what type of friend do you want?” “Well, then what type of friend do you need to be?” If you want to have a friendship with someone a lot of times you have to take the first step. Make the first move. It’s like dating all over again. Suck it up and ask her to coffee. Or to come over for a playdate. Maybe it’s just saying hi with a smile next time you see her. If we think back to dating and treat friendships the same way (minus the intimacy obviously), I think we’ll all develop some great, meaningful friendships that are a bit less than “best friends” but definitely more than just acquaintances.

You, Me & What’s in Between

Lately I’m reminded of the fact that humans were not meant to be alone. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally and not spiritually. Sometimes it’s easier to keep to ourselves but ultimately it leads to self-destruction. We were created for fellowship. For relationships. For accountability.

I’m finding that the more I open up to people and put myself in a position of vulnerability – the better my life is. If you don’t tell people what’s going on, you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity for someone to speak positively into your life. Whether it’s a problem, a feeling or a thought that you need feedback on or something good that happened that someone else might need to hear. You never know what people need or what others can offer you until you put yourself in a position to find out.

Give it a shot. Take the challenge. Talk to someone about something personal. You might be surprised what doors will open.

We Need Each Other – Really.

So there’s this song that’s played on the radio that says “we need each other” and I cannot tell you how true it is. We need each other to survive. Survive life, survive our day, survive ourselves. We’re bound to make mistakes and lose sight of what’s important to us. We’re bound to say things we don’t mean and offend others. We’re bound to lack certain things and be in need of advice and guidance. We need each other.

We need to take a good look at our life and see if we truly have people in our lives that are needed…or if they’re just there to hang out with and add to our “friends list.” Do we have a person or 2 or 3 that we can call in time of need? Whether it’s because our car broke down and we’re stranded or whether it’s because we’re going through a crisis and need someone to talk to. And most importantly, do you have someone that not only you need, but you can trust as well? Someone who you can tell a deep dark secret to KNOWING they won’t tell anyone. The truth is, a lot of us don’t have these people in our lives. We’re not living life to it’s fullest because we have these little loop holes called accountable friendships. I truly believe that because of the busyness of life and ridiculous advances in technology the importance of true relationships is completely lost…or at least much less available.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. And here’s my thing, and I know I’ve said it before. I truly want accountable friendships in my life and I hope you do too. We should all start pursuing them because you’ll never know when we really need each other until we realize that no one is there.