The Perfect Family…or not.

One of my favorite movies is the female-charged roller derby flick “Whip It.” I could sit here and quote the whole movie but instead I’ll jump straight to the quote that has inspired this blog post: (view actual scene here) “Just because you found a new family doesn’t mean you throw the old one away…”

I don’t know about you, but I could probably take a guess and say that Bliss (Ellen Page) and myself are not the only ones who have found a new “family” at one point in their life and thought about getting rid of their “old” family. It’s common and unfortunately some people really do it. But I’m here to talk you through that and hopefully you won’t, tempting as it may be.

The concept of family is a bit confusing to me. Two people love each other and get married (or that’s how it used to be) and start a family. Sometimes it’s 1 kid, sometimes it’s more…but either way, the couple produces an offspring. This person is then raised by their parents (usually) and grows up surrounded by the earlier generations of this family. All of these people share genes and therefore have overlapping traits, personalities and learned habits. However, each person has their own unique qualities as well. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t question God, but seriously…it just sounds like a setup for disaster. So that’s my conclusion – family = disaster. SO WHY DO WE EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

So many people are out searching for their “perfect” family…the Brady Bunch concept. Well ya know what, the Brady Bunch wasn’t perfect and neither is anyone else. God put a bunch of imperfect people together “for life” to help people LEARN how to love. Love is a feeling/emotion/concept that comes easy when you get to choose the person. Everyone else you have to learn how to love. That goes for your blood family, your adopted family (if you have one), your church family, your married into & extended family…all families are disaster zones. But God commands us to love and forgive and move forward. The bible tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. This is not a concept just for the prophets or teachers or “good” people. Learning to love and learning to forgive is for everyone and it’s what helps a family stay together and grow together. It’s so unfortunate that some people don’t see it that way and this concept/trait is a growing epidemic. Kids raised with unforgiving/not loving parents are usually not equipped to break the cycle and therefore will teach it to their kids and so on. We as children (no matter what age) have to make the active decision to break these hereditary curses. It just takes 1 person to break the chain and change the future of their family tree. Are you brave enough to be that person? To swallow your pride and selfishness and agree to disagree with someone? To forgive when it’s painful to even THINK about it. To apologize to the hardest people to admit failure to. To choose to love those that don’t seem worthy of loving…

The truth is, if you don’t learn to love and forgive – you’ll never find a family that’ll live up to your standards. All you’ll be left with is a lot of “old” families that you threw out.

I’ll leave you with one last movie quote from another favorite of mine. “Love is not a feeling – it’s an ability” – Dan in Real Life

The Perfect Family…or not.

One of my favorite movies is the female-charged roller derby flick “Whip It.” I could sit here and quote the whole movie but instead I’ll jump straight to the quote that has inspired this blog post: (view actual scene here) “Just because you found a new family doesn’t mean you throw the old one away…”

I don’t know about you, but I could probably take a guess and say that Bliss (Ellen Page) and myself are not the only ones who have found a new “family” at one point in their life and thought about getting rid of their “old” family. It’s common and unfortunately some people really do it. But I’m here to talk you through that and hopefully you won’t, tempting as it may be.

The concept of family is a bit confusing to me. Two people love each other and get married (or that’s how it used to be) and start a family. Sometimes it’s 1 kid, sometimes it’s more…but either way, the couple produces an offspring. This person is then raised by their parents (usually) and grows up surrounded by the earlier generations of this family. All of these people share genes and therefore have overlapping traits, personalities and learned habits. However, each person has their own unique qualities as well. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t question God, but seriously…it just sounds like a setup for disaster. So that’s my conclusion – family = disaster. SO WHY DO WE EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

So many people are out searching for their “perfect” family…the Brady Bunch concept. Well ya know what, the Brady Bunch wasn’t perfect and neither is anyone else. God put a bunch of imperfect people together “for life” to help people LEARN how to love. Love is a feeling/emotion/concept that comes easy when you get to choose the person. Everyone else you have to learn how to love. That goes for your blood family, your adopted family (if you have one), your church family, your married into & extended family…all families are disaster zones. But God commands us to love and forgive and move forward. The bible tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. This is not a concept just for the prophets or teachers or “good” people. Learning to love and learning to forgive is for everyone and it’s what helps a family stay together and grow together. It’s so unfortunate that some people don’t see it that way and this concept/trait is a growing epidemic. Kids raised with unforgiving/not loving parents are usually not equipped to break the cycle and therefore will teach it to their kids and so on. We as children (no matter what age) have to make the active decision to break these hereditary curses. It just takes 1 person to break the chain and change the future of their family tree. Are you brave enough to be that person? To swallow your pride and selfishness and agree to disagree with someone? To forgive when it’s painful to even THINK about it. To apologize to the hardest people to admit failure to. To choose to love those that don’t seem worthy of loving…

The truth is, if you don’t learn to love and forgive – you’ll never find a family that’ll live up to your standards. All you’ll be left with is a lot of “old” families that you threw out.

I’ll leave you with one last movie quote from another favorite of mine. “Love is not a feeling – it’s an ability” – Dan in Real Life

Oy with the Poodles Already!

Don’t get the reference? Well, then you aren’t as big a Gilmore Girls fan as I am. Not many people are, it’s okay. We can still be friends. (Click here to watch the reference: Oy with the Poodles Already)

I haven’t been posting lately and I promise, it’s for lots of good reasons. Some of which I’m going to share with you now.

3 weeks ago I got a call from my parents that my childhood dog had gotten too sick and it was time to put him down. It was hard to hear but I knew they were right. It was so hard to say goodbye…but I truly believe he’s up in heaven with my God playing with lots and lots of tennis balls. A few years ago someone I respected told me that they don’t believe animals go to heaven. I’ve always struggled with that but have come to my own conclusions and finally have peace about it. I love resolved heart issues.

In that same weekend I got a call that my dad was having breathing problems and almost went to the hospital. I was assured he was fine but something in my heart and spirit knew that he wasn’t. So I spent the week praying and fasting. Then I got a call that my dad was in the hospital with heart trouble. I really don’t want to go into details out of respect for my father’s wishes to keep this off the internet gossip highway and because it’s just a lot of “then we went here and this doctor said this” etc etc. So here’s the summary. My dad had a non-damaging heart attack. We spent the weekend getting transferred all around and seeing specialists and then finally landed with a diagnosis of 3 clogged arteries that needed repair and a special diet and lifestyle change to follow. It was hard for him and my family but I’m happy to report that he’s feeling much better and is following doctors orders to quit smoking and eat healthier.

This past week my husband took off of work and we have been on a family staycation. We’ve been hanging out at home, eating out, went to the zoo, lots of shopping and have been enjoying some quiet time at home. It’s really been nice. But I must say, it hasn’t been relaxing. For whatever reason God has put a lot of large items on our hearts and minds so we’ve been taking most of this “quiet” time to discuss them. Unfortunately it’s a lot of discussion and not a lot of answers so there really isn’t much to share…but I’d love for you to take a few minutes and send some prayers our way. Most of these items are things about the future and we just need some clarity on the details and timing. We’re a couple that prays about things big and small but will jump if we don’t hear not to…so we really need to keep our ears out for the “no”s and “not now”s.

So that’s the update. It’s a bit less detailed than I’d like but honestly, I don’t have the energy to go back down the paths I’ve been on for 2 weeks. I’m all about looking forward and sharing what I see ahead. And compared to the road I’ve been on – I see a lot of rainbows and unicorns right ahead. I’ve been talking about rainbows and unicorns a lot lately…Rainbow Brite anyone?

The Official Re-Launch

For all of you reading that aren’t following my facebook or twitter you may be a little confused why after so many months you’re seeing posts on my blog again.

Well, it’s probably the reason that most people will hand out the advice to never burn a bridge…you just never know if you’re going to cross it again.

If you look back you can read why I stopped blogging. God had brought me to a period of reflection within and cleaning up some aspects of my life. It required a bit more listening and a lot less talking. It also required A LOT of time. Add to that a new baby and a new lifestyle and God was right, I couldn’t handle keeping up with my blog during that season of my life.

A few months ago I started having blog topics pop up in my head. I couldn’t figure out what to do with them so I just wrote them down in a journal for myself and moved on. This kept happening more frequently and I soon found myself WANTING to blog again (something that hadn’t happened in a while). So I thought and prayed about it and felt that it was time to go back to blogging. But I knew that I wanted to do a re-launch, not just a post to follow up the old ones. So as you can see, I created a new layout – something that’s a bit easier to manage and reads more like a journal than a website. If you look at the menu you will also notice that I have cut down the topics I’ll be blogging about. As much as I LOVE music and really enjoy talking about it and doing interviews – it doesn’t fit with what I’m feeling called to write about (and let’s be honest, being a stay at home mom doesn’t allow much time for discovering new music). Now guys, before you assume there will now be nothing for you to read, I ask you to please give me a chance. I know that so much of my call is to reach young girls and women but I really do believe God has given me some topics that will relate to you personally and that will help you in relationships with these women I’m writing for.

Personally, you didn’t miss THAT much in my life. The biggest thing has been the weekly changes in the 1st year of a child’s life. It’s amazing how fast she grew and developed and has become the happy, funny little girl that she is at days away from her first birthday.

I’m looking forward to the “new” blog. And I’m definitely looking forward to more discussions, comments and feedback from my new and old readers. You can still see all of my old posts by using the tags on the right or the search field – I welcome your comments and feedback, even if it’s a post from 2 years ago!

So this is it – the official re-launch…welcome back friends. Let the journey begin :

Making the Hard Decision

There are times in life that we know what we’re supposed to do; whether it’s something a teacher tells us to do, a parent encourages us to pursue or a feeling coming from within. Those decisions are easy decisions. We know we’re supposed to do something and then we have to choose between 2 options: doing it or not doing it. Clear cut, black and white, yes or no, there is a correct answer. Listen or don’t listen.

But then sometimes in life we have to make hard decisions. Decisions where there is no right or wrong. Where we have to make a choice without having proof that it’s the right thing to do. There is no crystal ball saying go down this path and God hasn’t shut all other doors making this choice the only option. It’s a hard decision that no one else can make for you – you just have to make it and see how things play out based on that decision. It’s the scariest choices in life but in the end, the most rewarding. These choices help challenge our beliefs and make us weigh our priorities. They make us grow as individuals and help us become a better version of who we are today.

I had to make a hard decision recently. I had to decide what I wanted to do once my maternity leave ended. For months I’ve been fantasizing about being a stay at home mom. To spend the day raising my daughter the way I see fit and not missing a precious moment of her life. About not being controlled by “the man” and working a desk job. But these were all fantasies. They were “Jess daydreams.” I wasn’t the type of person to just quit her career to stay home and be…a housewife. “Just” a mother. The person who cooks, cleans, does laundry, changes diapers and joins a mommy and me group. I worked my butt off in high school. I went to a great, but very hard college and graduated with a good degree. I worked not 1, but 2 non-paid internships to advance my resume in the pile of entry-level applicants. I worked summer jobs and temporary positions. I finally landed a good position in a company that pays for me to travel and stay in fancy hotels. I worked my way up and have favor among the decision makers in the company. I get bonuses and raises. I’m somebody in the career world and I worked hard to get there.

But then the tears formed. Day after day, night after night. Mostly in secrecy as I was confused by these feelings. I was supposed to go back to work and help provide for my family. To do my part. We got Charlotte into the daycare of our choice and I was able to have a fully paid 3 month maternity leave. It was all set. The plan was in motion. But still, the tears came more and more each day. Until finally I broke down and had to admit that it wasn’t emotions anymore. There was something inside of me screaming that my priorities in life had changed and it was time to make a decision. The hard decision to be a stay at home mom. That I would still be “doing my part” for my family, it just wouldn’t be in a financial way. Instead of rushing off to day care I would be making my husband’s coffee in the morning and seeing him out the door. Instead of chatting with coworkers over coffee I will be sipping my coffee as I wake my daughter up for her first feeding of the day. Instead of attending morning meetings I will be strategically planning my day. Instead of doing lunch with co-workers or reading a book I will be tickling my daughter and watching her smile and make noises that she hasn’t made before. Instead of returning calls to international companies I will be making doctors appointments and running errands. Instead of sitting in traffic trying to get home I will be making dinner so my husband can have something to look forward to while sitting in traffic. And instead of trying to get a million things done in my non-work time AND spend time with my family, I will enjoy the overwhelming peace that comes along with our new, tight budget.

So goodbye Outback Steakhouse take-out, goodbye coffee & lattes every weekend while shopping, goodbye buying things whenever I want and goodbye fancy restaurants & parties in the city. Instead, I choose my family. I choose the smiles and laughter. I choose the peace and home-cooking. I choose the budget. I choose the careful spending. I choose being “just a mom” and realize that it’s not that at all. It’s the right decision for me.

*Disclaimer: I’m in no way putting down or judging any mother that has to or chooses to work. I think it’s one of the hardest things a woman can do. It’s just not the right decision for me right now.

A Jewish Weekend

This past weekend I spent many hours in New Jersey with lots and lots of family to celebrate my cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. Now as I’ve mentioned before, my family is Jewish but I’m not. I mean, I consider myself Jewish by heritage but I’m definitely a Christian when it comes to beliefs and lifestyle.

It was interesting to once again see the difference between the 2 religions. Although the 3 1/2 hour no English, only Hebrew, service was a bit painful to get through…it did have its moments. It was interesting to hear the psalms that I read spoken in a “singing language.” There were a couple of times during the service that I closed my eyes and found the singing of the Hebrew words moving and beautiful. I just wish I knew what they were saying! It was also interesting to see a book the size of the bible contain only a few chapters of the bible and I never get used to the worship-like actions & attitude towards the Torah.

I have to say, I’m proud to be a Christian and follower of Jesus and sometimes don’t realize it until I’m put in a position to look at it from a different perspective. I love knowing that God DID send His son to save me. There is so much joy and freedom found in this knowledge.

And as with all parties put on by my family, the bar mitzvah party was nothing short of awesome. So congrats to my cousin Johnny…you’re now a man! haha.

Aunt Andrea, Johnny, Rebecca and Uncle Joe

Family Time

If there’s one thing most people do around the holidays, it’s spend extra time with their family. Whether it be visiting those that live in a different state or just simply making more time, it’s a nice part of the busy season. Personally, my relationship with my family has been a journey. We have times of not speaking for weeks and then other times of seeing each other just a bit too much. I’m happy to write that at this very moment, it seems we have found a great balance. I love my family, but too much time together is no good…and too much time apart makes the heart ache.

I just wanted to share how lucky I am to have such a loving family. The fact that my mother in law is becoming a part of my blood family is something I’ve always dreamed of. My youngest brother is graduating college this weekend and my middle brother just passed his test to go into the insurance business that he’s been striving for. My parents are happy together and my mom and I are getting closer as my pregnancy becomes more “real.” It’s really a great time for us and I’m so blessed to have all of them in my life. Not to mention the extras that come with them (my sister in law who I rarely see but always have a good time with, my future sister in law who will soon live only 15 minutes away and the girlfriend that’s made my brother so happy). And well, I just can’t not mention my wonderful husband. Seriously, he’s the best guy out there and I’d be lost without him. I could go on and on because my extended family is all great too – but that’s just too much emotions for me! haha.

So, for any family members reading this – I love you!! I’m so proud to be a part of this crazy little family of ours.

Family

Family is such a small word for such a big life issue. Then again..life is an even smaller word. Well anyway, today I’m talking about family.

Family has this ability to get into places within you that no one else can reach. These places often produce emotions that are so strong that you aren’t exactly sure how they found that secret spot inside of you that you didn’t even know existed. Siblings can make you angrier than any other person and “I Hate You” is a phrase that most teens discover when fighting with their parents. But with these negative feelings also comes the really positive ones. Like when I cried because my little brother is graduating college with honors after years of struggling. Or my mom calls for no reason and tells me that she loves me. Or talking to the grandma I don’t get to see often.

So instead of going on and on I just want you to spend a few minutes today thinking about family. You can’t choose your family and they didn’t choose you but you can choose how you feel about them and how you act towards them. Just think about it.

Family Weekend Re-cap

So this past weekend my family and I drove to NJ to spend the weekend with mom’s side of the family. It started with temple for Alyssa’s bat mitzvah and then continued with a kosher lunch, hanging out in a hotel and then concluded at a diner for dinner with Grandma. The next day was all music and dancing for the “All About Alyssa” extravaganza.

Through it a lot of things came out. I realize that I have respect for the Jewish culture but to be honest, after being a Christian there is no way I would choose to go back to being Jewish again. It’s a life of tradition, “goodness” and family, but that’s about it. Scripture comes to life and has meaning when you understand that there is a savior and He has already come. Life has meaning when you have a relationship with God and aren’t looking back to events that took place on a daily/weekly basis. And there is so much joy and excitement to be had as a true Christian. Church, although serious at time, should always be joyful and exciting. It’s not about sitting, standing, reading, singing and following a schedule. It’s about living for God because of everything He did for us through Jesus. I guess the conclusion is that without Jesus, God isn’t as freeing and joyful as I know him to be.

My other conclusion from this weekend is a real big one for me. Family is important to me. I knew this, but I don’t think I really knew it until this weekend. When I was upset that my little brother had to leave early and I wouldn’t get to spend time with him and Caitlin. When I got to hang out with Craig and get to know Nicole all weekend and look forward to hanging out with them again soon. When I gave my dad a hug just because I liked being around him. When I helped my mom get ready (even though she didn’t like what I did with her hair!) When I got to dance with my cousins and take pictures together. When I gave my Grandma a hug and realized how long it’s been since I’ve seen her. When I saw my uncles on the dance floor and realized that sometime between then and now they learned to dance pretty well! When I saw my aunts and they didn’t look the same as they did last time I saw them…

It’s amazing how great life seems but then you realize that life could be better. Family does make it better.

Here is a video of the party…pictures on my facebook or click here.