Oh You Sexy Bible You

Yup you read the title right! The bible IS sexy. Nope, not speaking about Jesus being sexy or a God-fearing man being sexy or the physical book being sexy. I’m talking about a book within the book. Not Genesis…not Acts…certainly not Revelation…I’m talking about that often overlooked, under-preached about chapter, Song of Songs.

For the past 2 months I’ve been studying the Song of Songs with some friends and it’s been a really interesting and fun addition to my life. We’re watching Mark Driscoll’s series called “The Peasant Princess” (www.peasantprincess.com) and although we don’t agree with every word that comes out of his mouth, I think we’ve all grown as married women because of his wisdom on this sexy, sexy book.

My question to you is – have you ever read the Song of Songs in depth? We’re studying it word for word, chapter by chapter and it’s truly amazing how beautiful and poetic each scripture is. It’s so weird to think of scripture as being sexy but how else do you describe a sentence that reads “I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.” Yup, that’s in the bible. It also reads “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Too poetic? Well here’s a nice blunt one for you “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine.”

Now tell me that the bible isn’t sexy? If you’re a married man or woman and haven’t read the Song of Songs I highly recommend you do. It’s truly a beautiful book and story. There is so much to learn about how to keep your marriage full of passion and love and Mark Driscoll really helps you to take these scriptures and turn them into concepts that are easy to understand and actions that will help you develop your marriage in a healthy and beautiful way.

Controversial Christianity

*Disclaimer: My blogs purpose is to write about my thoughts on the things I experience in life. Whether it be music, motherhood, church or God, this blog is my OPINION and should never be taken as fact, news or prophetic. Sure it may contain those things at times, but please use your discretion and discernment on the things I say. I would hate to think that someone is steered in a wrong direction because of a feeling I have. My goal is to open the minds of people and hopefully get you thinking about the things YOU feel and experience.
I’m never telling you what to think or do.

I love being a Christian for 1 reason and 1 reason alone: my personal relationship with God. In my opinion, the rest of it is hard, confusing, controversial, sometimes hypocritical and I’d give it all up if I lost the relationship that is the sole basis of who I am and why I live the way that I do. More and more I hear the reason people don’t want to become a Christian is because of Christians. Very rarely do I hear it’s because of God. So that leads me to the frustration that I’ve had building inside of me for…well…years now.

I believe in following the entire bible as much as I possibly can. I believe it’s part of my reverence for God; to follow his word. It’s part of that relationship. Many things I choose not to do are part of my relationship with God. Whether it be not watching a certain TV show or controlling my emotions. Loving the people that are hard to love or tithing my hard earned money.

But I have a problem with the Christian culture that seems to have developed. The things that are hypocritical to many people. For instance, it’s not okay to curse, but it is okay to say another word in place of the curse, and say it with the same attitude and emotion. I understand, many times the word itself has a bad meaning, but how can so many people ignore the fact that the attitude and emotion for saying that word in the first place is still there? Do they really think by saying “dang it” or “frick” God says “oh okay, no problem, as long as you said your Christian word while letting your anger take over you”? Why isn’t it okay to drink 1 beer but it’s okay to obsessively drink Starbucks? Why are R rated movies okay to watch if it’s horror or killing but not okay to watch if there is sexual humor? Why is it inappropriate for guys to flirt with girls but it’s okay for girls to wear clothes that catch a guy’s attention? Why is it okay for any person to write a book based on their interpretation of a scripture and sell it for profit but not for a poorly looking person in the congregation to get up and say what they interpret a scripture to be without getting a “and who are you to speak” look? Why do Christians believe that being a nice person and showing everyone love but never saying why will lead others to Jesus when there are nice Atheists out there doing the same? Why is it okay to practically worship a Contemporary Christian artist or band?

I could go on but I won’t. Maybe you have answers to some of these questions. Maybe you think I’m crazy or cynical. Maybe you agree with me. But here’s my point in all of this frustration. It really comes down to 2 questions. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR YOUR SINS? DO YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD THAT WANTS TO KNOW YOU? To me, that’s all that really matters at the end of the day. I’ve learned to do my own thing. I love being a part of my church. I love my Christian friends. And I love reading Christian books. But with all things I put God and the bible first. I’m not going to take what a man says as fact. Scripture misquoted and misleading is as bad to me as any other sin in the bible. The condition of my heart, soul and mind are much too important to let anyone but God control them.

A 10 Year Reflection

With my 10 year high school reunion taking place next month (although I’m not going), I’m forced to think about the last 10 years. I honestly expected my reaction to be “I can’t believe it’s been 10 years already…I’m getting so old!” but honestly my reaction was “Yeah, that seems about right.” And I realize this reaction is due to the fact that I’m so proud of my past 10 years. It’s not that I started out at the bottom and climbed the corporate ladder or even that I got married and had a baby…it’s that when I think about who I was 10 years ago, I don’t recognize that person anymore and I’m proud of it.

10 years ago I was a lost girl who had just entered a big scary university 3 hours away from home. In high school I had a lot of friends that spanned a lot of different types of friendships you can have. I had some best friends, some enemies, some people I hung out with just to feel cool and some people I was embarrassed to be seen with. I had boyfriends that lasted a year and others that lasted 3 days. My hair changed color by the month and my style did as well. I guess the only thing that was stable about me was the fact that I never stopped changing something in my life. Looking back, I think we call that being unhappy with ones self. But at the time, I just thought I was on the search for something better.

Unfortunately that search continued for years. Through college where I had a different group of friends every year (with the exception of a few, my Lucycakes (Alli) for example – hi!!), I changed my major a few times, I tried to switch schools a few times, I joined different clubs and spent more time talking online to my high school friends than I did trying to make new friends at school. That in turn led me to spending many weekends sitting on a Greyhound bus heading back home to spend time with the guy I had a crush on in high school. We ended up dating on and off all through college, successfully keeping me unattached and uninterested in anything new that might help me to find the happiness I was desperately seeking. Despite the advice of my parents and friends, I stayed in this pattern until it got worse. I dated some real “winners” and got into some things that I’ll never be proud of.

But somehow I managed to graduate college and move home to the place I was crazy about…until of course I lived there again. Through my dad’s connections I got an amazing internship working with celebrities and high-profile clients. It was great for my resume…and perfect for bringing this long downhill ride to a crashing end. Fancy clothes, weekly happy hour and parties with the coolest of the cool didn’t make me any happier. Of course I wasn’t depressed or even aware of my unhappiness at times, but I guess I was always searching for something to really complete things. To close the circle that would make me truly happy. It wasn’t a guy, figured that one out. It wasn’t an education, and it wasn’t a job, figured that one out too.

It took me until the end of 2004 when a geeky guy I met online invited me to watch him play in his band to figure it out. I had no connection to my creator. In fact, what I knew of God was what I experienced. And looking back, it had always been good experiences. I had random prayers throughout my life asking for things and these things always happened. Whether it was the simple prayer of “God, if you’re real, please help me to sleep tonight. I have a big test in the morning and I’m freaking out” or the selfish prayer of “God, if you’re real, I would really like ___” and then the prayer I was afraid to pray but promised I would, “God…if you’re real…will you please bring Jeff home alive to me and to his family? We’re so scared for him. He said I can’t be mad that he’s overseas fighting in the war but I am. I’m mad that he’s there and I want him here. He asked me to pray and I don’t really know how, or if I believe in you, but if you’re real, please…bring him and his friends home safely.” All prayers were answered. But it wasn’t until I was “tricked” into attending a church’s youth group that I realized it.

I spent 2004 and early 2005 getting to know some amazing Christians and really encountering God and his presence on my own. It was weird and I cried a lot without knowing why. I had my doubts and definite fears of this new lifestyle. But without realizing it, my life was suddenly on the rise up. I had this joy inside of me for what felt like no reason. I could spend hours with my eyes closed breathing the fresh air outside. I would get lost in music the way I didn’t know was possible. And on a red eye flight home from Las Vegas in March 2005 I decided that I couldn’t just play Christian anymore. I had to have this relationship with Jesus Christ like all of my friends, and now boyfriend (the guy from the band, not from the army..just in case I lost ya). In early April 2005 I prayed the prayer that changed my life. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and save the life I no longer had control of. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

So the next 5 years were spent with my boyfriend Chris who became my husband in 2006. And we had our little girl 4 months ago. I worked in trade show management for 4 1/2 years until God recently blessed us with the finances for me to be a stay at home mom. I have spent many hours in church being a youth leader, dance team leader, cafe worker, projector runner and most recently, just a member who loves God. I’ve met some amazing people along the way from all over the world. So many of them have made me who I am today.

I guess you can say that the past 10 years have been a roller coaster of change and emotions. It’s fun looking back and realizing how much things have changed and how truly happy I am with how things have turned out. I just hope I can say the same thing 10 years from now.

A big shout out to the Class of 2000. If you aren’t happy with the last 10 years, don’t take another 10 years to change.

Is Church Important?

I’m asking my readers this question today: Is church important to you?

Many people call themselves Christians. Some of those people go to church multiple times each week. Some of those people go to church every Sunday. Some of those people go to church sometimes. Some of those people don’t go to church.

Does going to church make you a Christian?

Does not going to church effect how you feel about God and how you act as a Christian?

These are all questions I’m wondering about today. How important is church to your belief in God? And if you don’t believe in God – how do you perceive church and Christians?

I know this is a completely personal and controversial topic…so I’m okay with my readers posting anonymously if they choose to do so. But I would like to hear your opinions and what you think of all of this.

Personally, I don’t think church is as important as some people make it out to be. I think it is important to belong to a church and have teachings from a Pastor and be apart of your community…but lately I think there is too much emphasis on WHERE you are being a Christian as opposed to HOW you are being a Christian. Sitting in on a good sermon and talking to your holy friends doesn’t make you a Christian in my opinion. To me, Christianity is a lifestyle. So my answer is this: I think church is important, but it’s only a small piece of what makes a person a real Christian.

What about you?

Labor Day Rest

From the Proverbs 31 Ministries Devotional written by Rachel Olsen. Enjoy.

“And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” Genesis 2:3 (NIV)

In 1882 U.S. cabinet maker Peter McGuire introduced his idea for a new holiday saying, “Let us have a festive day during which a parade through the streets of the city would permit public tribute to American Industry.” A dozen years later President Cleveland signed a bill into law designating the first Monday in September “Labor Day.” For many Americans today is a day off from work, a chance to cook-out and hang-out in the lingering warm weather of summer.

A day off from labor, however, was not a new concept when McGuire suggested his holiday. The concept of a day of rest was first declared by the Lord in Genes is. In illustration, God rested the seventh day after creating the world and He deemed the day of rest holy (Gen. 2:2-3). He didn’t call it Labor Day – He called it the Sabbath.

Sabbath is a not a day of tribute to workers, it’s a day of tribute to their Maker. It’s a day to rest your body while renewing your mind by making the focus of the day your Maker and your relationship with Him. In the Jewish tradition, the Sabbath is the focal point of the week – not just a day of laundry or list-making to gear back up for the week ahead. The Jewish people spent three days preparing for Sabbath, and three days reflecting on what they had learned or encountered of God during the Sabbath. They were a Sabbath-focused people, and therefore a God-focused people.

Keri Wyatt Kent, author of Breathe, writes, “This creates a rhythm of life that puts our focus not on our stuff or our schedule but on the opportunity to meet with God.” Kent reveals:

“We are created in the image of God, and he modeled for us a way of life that makes sense for how we are created. Here’s how to dance the dance of life, he said: work, be creative, use your imagination, throw yourself into it, whether you are washing dishes, reading to your kids and running a household, or trading stocks, reading corporate reports, and running a business. …At the end of each day, stop. Take a rest, eat a good meal, get enough sleep, and refresh yourself. Take time to think about your day, to notice where God was in it and where you were blessed, and to say, “It’s good.” Then go back at it the next day. And after six days, take a whole day off. And say, “It’s really good.” Spend a whole day just pausing, just reflecting on how really good it is, and then start the dance again, at a sustainable pace.”

That sounds really good to me. Whether you are here with me in the United States today, or someplace else on God’s green earth, may this Labor Day mark the day that you and I decide to rest and become God-focused people.

Dear Lord, I want to rest in You. Show me how to live this way. Meet me there in my time of contemplation, reflection, and worship. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

It’s Not There…Nor There..

As a Christian I’ve learned that the way to get answers or fix a bad mood or even just to find a little lift to a normal day, is by connecting with God. I’ve also learned that there are many ways to connect with God. Not just the traditional read the bible, pray, fast and fellowship ways…but by reading Christian blogs, meditating on devotionals, worshipping to music, staring at the sky and reading a well written Christian novel. I know from experience that I “get something” from all of the above, but it’s more fun/entertaining/interesting to choose from the second list as opposed to the first.

But what happens when you choose from the 2nd list 90% of the time? I’ve found that you end up living a bit too spiritually. It becomes very easy to come up with your own theories, meditate on certain scriptures and ignore others that are also important, become judgemental of others (specifically traditional Christians) and worst of all, you end up having a 2nd hand relationship with God and cheat yourself of the connection your soul desires.

Lately I find myself in this boat. I’m praying and reading blogs, waiting for that divine revelation. I’m praying and listening to music, waiting for that one line to bring me to tears. I’m praying and going for a walk, waiting to hear God’s voice. And sometimes it really happens that way. But I’m finding more often than not, God impressing on my heart “you won’t find it there…nor there. It’s in my word.”

Why is it so much harder to sit down and read my bible than to do any of those other things? I know the answer, yet honestly, it doesn’t often change my actions for long. I know God’s truth is within his word. I know words spoken that pertain to today are sitting in there for me to read first hand. I know learning and hearing about God are done through other people’s interpretations when you don’t go directly to the source yourself. But still, day after day, I find it hard to sit down and open my bible. But I know that when I do, oh man, I regret every other time I didn’t. I just wish that feeling would last. But no, the struggle continues.

Anyone else with me on this? I know there has to be someone out there that isn’t the perfect Christian we want everyone to think we are. Well whether you admit it or not, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. There is no perfect person and no perfect Christian. This is my weakness – admit to yourself, what’s yours?

 “As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.” – 2 Samuel 22:31

Making the Hard Decision

There are times in life that we know what we’re supposed to do; whether it’s something a teacher tells us to do, a parent encourages us to pursue or a feeling coming from within. Those decisions are easy decisions. We know we’re supposed to do something and then we have to choose between 2 options: doing it or not doing it. Clear cut, black and white, yes or no, there is a correct answer. Listen or don’t listen.

But then sometimes in life we have to make hard decisions. Decisions where there is no right or wrong. Where we have to make a choice without having proof that it’s the right thing to do. There is no crystal ball saying go down this path and God hasn’t shut all other doors making this choice the only option. It’s a hard decision that no one else can make for you – you just have to make it and see how things play out based on that decision. It’s the scariest choices in life but in the end, the most rewarding. These choices help challenge our beliefs and make us weigh our priorities. They make us grow as individuals and help us become a better version of who we are today.

I had to make a hard decision recently. I had to decide what I wanted to do once my maternity leave ended. For months I’ve been fantasizing about being a stay at home mom. To spend the day raising my daughter the way I see fit and not missing a precious moment of her life. About not being controlled by “the man” and working a desk job. But these were all fantasies. They were “Jess daydreams.” I wasn’t the type of person to just quit her career to stay home and be…a housewife. “Just” a mother. The person who cooks, cleans, does laundry, changes diapers and joins a mommy and me group. I worked my butt off in high school. I went to a great, but very hard college and graduated with a good degree. I worked not 1, but 2 non-paid internships to advance my resume in the pile of entry-level applicants. I worked summer jobs and temporary positions. I finally landed a good position in a company that pays for me to travel and stay in fancy hotels. I worked my way up and have favor among the decision makers in the company. I get bonuses and raises. I’m somebody in the career world and I worked hard to get there.

But then the tears formed. Day after day, night after night. Mostly in secrecy as I was confused by these feelings. I was supposed to go back to work and help provide for my family. To do my part. We got Charlotte into the daycare of our choice and I was able to have a fully paid 3 month maternity leave. It was all set. The plan was in motion. But still, the tears came more and more each day. Until finally I broke down and had to admit that it wasn’t emotions anymore. There was something inside of me screaming that my priorities in life had changed and it was time to make a decision. The hard decision to be a stay at home mom. That I would still be “doing my part” for my family, it just wouldn’t be in a financial way. Instead of rushing off to day care I would be making my husband’s coffee in the morning and seeing him out the door. Instead of chatting with coworkers over coffee I will be sipping my coffee as I wake my daughter up for her first feeding of the day. Instead of attending morning meetings I will be strategically planning my day. Instead of doing lunch with co-workers or reading a book I will be tickling my daughter and watching her smile and make noises that she hasn’t made before. Instead of returning calls to international companies I will be making doctors appointments and running errands. Instead of sitting in traffic trying to get home I will be making dinner so my husband can have something to look forward to while sitting in traffic. And instead of trying to get a million things done in my non-work time AND spend time with my family, I will enjoy the overwhelming peace that comes along with our new, tight budget.

So goodbye Outback Steakhouse take-out, goodbye coffee & lattes every weekend while shopping, goodbye buying things whenever I want and goodbye fancy restaurants & parties in the city. Instead, I choose my family. I choose the smiles and laughter. I choose the peace and home-cooking. I choose the budget. I choose the careful spending. I choose being “just a mom” and realize that it’s not that at all. It’s the right decision for me.

*Disclaimer: I’m in no way putting down or judging any mother that has to or chooses to work. I think it’s one of the hardest things a woman can do. It’s just not the right decision for me right now.

The Other Type of Faith

Through my spiritual journey I’m discovering that there are all different types of faith. Some I’ve gotten pretty good at and others I’m discovering are a weakness. Right now in my life there seems to be 2 different types of faith. The first type of faith is what I call blind faith. It’s that take a jump, not sure what I’m doing type of faith. It’s when you pray that God works a miracle. It’s when you quit a job based on “knowing” there is a better one out there without actually HAVING the job. It’s deciding to have a baby and trust that God will work out the details. It’s saying yes to a task that you aren’t confident you can do. For me, it’s become the easy kind of faith. I know there is a God and I know that he speaks to me daily…so I KNOW that if he put something on my heart, he’ll come through with the answers I need.

But it seems that there is another type of faith active in my life that I’m NOT so confident in. It’s the faith that says “okay, I know that I can take this into my own hands, but maybe that’s not the best idea.” It’s having an answer in your head but then wondering if it’s the BEST answer. It’s the kind of faith that determines how bumpy your path is as opposed to if it’s the right path. It’s putting aside what you think is best and asking God what IS best. And I’m finding that this is a really hard thing to do. I’m underdeveloped in this area but I know God is starting to say “come on Jess, you need to work on this”…and so I am.

So it seems that I have no problem moving across the country with no money but I do have a problem choosing when to say no to something when I want to say yes. Does anyone else have faith issues? I’d love to hear!

Real Desires of the Heart

Normally my blog posts come about by what God puts on my heart. Whether it’s seeing something and deciding to write about it, having a dream, or experiencing something in life. However, every once and a while, I see a theme in the other blogs I read and feel the need to write about it. I haven’t read through all of my daily blogs but I’ve already read 2 that talk about REAL desires as opposed to the things we let ourselves believe. Not really sure what I mean? Well how about this. Do you ever say something but really mean something else? No, never! heh. Now how about this…do you ever trick yourself into believing that what’s coming out of your mouth is truth and ignore what’s really going on in your heart? Ouch. Probably have to say yes to that one also.

The tricky thing about being human is that we were created with these amazing brains. They have this miraculous way of connecting to our mouth and connecting to our heart but not always connecting the 3 together. This is where the problems arise.

I haven’t figured out exactly what God wants me to learn from all of this today – but I know there is going to be something revealed if I let him reveal it. Because the truth is, I don’t think many people go a day or 2 without being deceived by their own motives and desires. I might say that I’m over something, but my heart screams otherwise when I sit down and think about the situation. I might smile at someone I don’t like and tell myself that I’ve chosen to love them but what am I thinking about as soon as they do something annoying again? How fickle are my emotions and do I let those emotions control me and my actions? Do I tell myself one thing HOPING that one day I’ll actually feel that way?

All stuff to think about. And I’m sure your questions are different but along the same path. Take some time to think about it. Pray about it. Figure out what your REAL desires are and what you’re incorrectly believing.

I’m going to leave you today with a little phrase that’s been sitting on my desk since I started my job over 4 years ago. “What’s my motive?”

Think about it. If we think about our true desires and motives before letting our emotions control our mouths, how much better off would we be right now?

Oh To Be Loved

Oh to be young.

Oh to be cared for.

Oh to be carefree.

Oh to be loved.

Oh to be hopeful.

Oh to be optimistic.

Oh to be joyful.

Oh to be loved.

Oh to be considered.

Oh to be acknowledged.

Oh to be looked towards.

Oh to be loved.

“I love those who love me, And those who seek me diligently will find me.” – Proverbs 8:17

The (not so) Do Gooder

**I posted this a few months ago but in light of what’s laying heavy on my heart, I thought I’d re-post it today. I can’t emphasize enough how much actions speak louder than words. I think it’s the lamest thing in the world when people who claim to love God & his people think nothing of treating other Christians in a negative fashion. Whether it’s by being apathetic towards their lives, talking negatively and judging each other or even just the simple act of not being friendly and nice towards them. It really bothers me that the same people out witnessing to “the lost” and preaching the gospel to “all that need to hear” are the same ones that think nothing of slandering other believers. Saved or not saved, every life is important and every feeling has the ability to get hurt. Just because some claim to have a relationship with Jesus and others think Jesus is a curse word, it doesn’t mean anyone should be treated differently. We all get offended, we all need friends and we all deserve the respect of each other.**

^“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

- Galatians 6: 9-10

The other day I was reading my Bible and had to stop when I came across this scripture. Ever read something and think you know what it means, but then one day see it under a new and different light? Well I did this day. I understand the whole don’t give up part. I understand the do good part. I even understand the “to all people” part. But what about that last part that we quickly read to finish the sentence? “Especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

Now why in the world does it say that? It just said to do good to all people. That includes believers. Why repeat it? Well if there’s one thing I’ve learned about God’s word, it’s that He doesn’t repeat things unless they’re important and need to be called out. So that brings me to today’s thought. Why is it that people reading the bible (Christians) have to be told to do good to those who belong to the family of believers (Christians)? Seems to me, Christians fighting Christians isn’t a new thing. People arguing and backstabbing that believe in the same God isn’t a new concept. It’s sad that we need to be reminded that of course we should do good to the poor and needy and searching and lost…but also our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can’t take them for granted or treat them any different than we would the cashier we just smiled at. Christians ignoring other Christians or not reaching out to them because they’re already saved is the most bogus concept I’ve ever heard…yet it happens so often that we excuse it. We think saving the lost and witnessing to others is more important than doing good to our kinda needy, annoying Christian brother.

I think it’s time Christians start looking at their actions towards EVERYONE and see what it really looks like.

Music Tuesday:Bradley Hathaway’s Joy

The word joy seems to be ringing in my heart lately so I thought, what better way to spend Music Tuesday than talking about joy? Not happiness. I’m talking about JOY. The type of joy that’s found deep within your soul. Your source of peace and contentment, even if things are hard or going wrong. The joy that helps you to smile in the rain and be kind to those that don’t deserve it. The joy that says “I want to make this person happy” with no expectation of receiving something back. The type of joy that many people spend their lives trying to find.

Bradley Hathaway, a writer,/poet/ singer/songwriter from Arkansas has a poem entitled “On Being Joyful and Content” that explains joy in such a great way that I’m doing my post today referencing it. You can watch/read it below. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I’m ecstatic!

and my thoughts
are
uncontrollably
sporadic!

Yet centered around one center

Joy.

In plush ripe tones
joy is rushing through my bones!

If joy were a color
it would be purple
pastel
pretty

Like old women and young children
both wear on Easter

Smiling while having deviled eggs
and drinking kool-aid

Chasing blown bubbles
in the backyard

The young ones’ distracting hats
fly off…

And the old ones laugh
a contagious laughter
that is to be shared
by everyone there

The sun
shines down upon them
as all of their physical imperfections
gleam
beautifully

and inside
inside
I feel like this
and I look outside my window
and imagine the
future purple pastel pretty
moments of joy
that I will one day have with my wife.
My Children.
My friends.
My family.

I really look forward to those moments.
But I am thankful for the one
that I am having right now.
this morning.

Alone.
On my couch.

Overwhelmed by Joy.

Before I end this post, I’d like to pray for my readers. I know it’s not a common thing on my blog, but I feel led to…so I will. I hope that you will read it slowly and pray it in your heart as well.

“Dear Lord of all things – I pray for my readers. Each and everyone one of them. Whether they know you or not. I know that you know them. And I know that you believe in them. And I know that you want them to experience the type of joy that only comes from you and you alone. I pray that each one of their hearts starts to fill with this love and joy. That it builds and builds and lives within their soul. It reaches to points that they can’t touch and can’t understand. They just know that it’s there. From the first smile during a bad situation to a compassion for their enemies that they just don’t understand. I pray that we all have an increase of the joy that’s found in knowing, loving and worshiping you. Amen”

What An Attitude!!

There are many days in this nice 9 month journey that I’m just Jess with a belly. But then there are other days…and those days seem to be getting more frequent now that I’m in my third trimester. I’m talking about the days when I laugh, cry, become sad, then happy, hate everyone and love everything all within an hour.  Can’t relate? Well that’s okay…today’s post isn’t about pregnancy or mood swings or hormones. It’s about attitude.

Although I realize it’s perfectly normal to be hormonally imbalanced at this point in my life, I’ve also been made aware that I don’t have to give in to it. I can fight against the urge to throw keys at an annoying landlord office worker and not cry in the middle of Home Depot. I can wake up with a sore back and do some stretches to make it better. I can look at the rainy sky and completely stopped traffic and breathe a sigh of relief that I’m still happy, healthy and loved. Attitude and control really can make such a difference in my life if I give them the power to do so.

And then earlier today I realized that it’s not just me that God is speaking to about this…the rest of my post is from my bloggy friend’s post. And I swear, we didn’t talk about this. Take a read below and read the full post here:

It’s hard to be upset and play the victim role when you know God knows what He is doing. So we choose to trust in Him. We choose to stay positive. We choose whether we allow outside drama into our lives. We choose whether we allow ourselves to take our eyes off God and instead look at the worldly ways. We choose to find the good along with the bad.

While we may not always be able to choose our circumstances, we can choose our reaction to them.

We can choose our attitude.

……….I love the following quote by Charles R. Swindoll……..

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.

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what do you choose?

A Change of Seasons…and I don’t mean Winter into Spring

My favorite part of any church service is the worship part. Hands down, it’s my favorite way to connect with God.  The combination of spirit-filled lyrics, a catchy beat and the high energy of a room full of Jesus lovers is the ultimate high. But what happens when the lights come on, your ear isn’t next to the pumping speakers and no one is sitting next to you? Little did I know, I was about to find out.

Let me back up a little. I’ve been saved for 5 years as of a week ago. I spiritually “grew up” in the youth group of my old church. First as a girl who had a crush on a guy in the worship band. Then as the girlfriend of the guy in the worship band. Then as the married girl who ran the dance ministry. Then as a youth leader to the younger youth group. And lastly as a young adult group active member/assistant leader of a new dance ministry. So needless to say (or maybe not), the past 5 years my idea of worship has centered around bands, loud music, concerts, weekend events like Battle Cry and The Revolve Tour, conferences, dance presentations and being in the front row surrounded by people my age spiritually raised the same way. Can you relate?

Well fast forward to the new Jess…the married, pregnant girl in a new church surrounded by people of all different ages who know nothing about her. It’s a weird place to be in! But yesterday God spoke to me about it and I’m positive this isn’t a message just for myself. So listen up!

Due to the warmth of a packed room with lights and sound galore, my pregnant body decided my usual worship atmosphere that I love so much wasn’t going to be in my norm anymore. Instead, I spent the entire church service seated in the downstairs cafe surrounded by youth leaders updating the church twitter feed, babies with their parents, older people who think the music upstairs is too loud and a few random people walking in and out to work at the ministry fair. I wasn’t too thrilled with baby Charlotte doing this to me lol. I thought to myself “how can I get into worship in this quiet room where the music is played through speakers and service is on a screen while I sit with my feet up on a chair while I sip my tea? Everyone upstairs is experiencing God together and I’m down here lounging. How is this any different than the people who don’t go to church but watch it on TV? I’m going to have to work extra hard to hear from God on my own time because church as a new mom isn’t going to be what I need it to be.”

And then I think God had enough of me. Because I immediately knew I had to shut my thoughts up, close my eyes, and learn to worship in a different way. And let me tell you, it took me a whole 5 minutes to figure out my problem. My problem was that I thought worship was the music, the excitement, the atmosphere and God….but I quickly learned that worship is an attitude and a condition of the heart above all else. It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting in a cafe or if you’re on a stage in front of thousands of people. God WILL speak to you and you CAN love Him and worship Him and praise Him from anywhere at anytime. And to be honest, since I was comfortable, I think God was able to reach me more easily than He has in a while. I was open to every word being spoken. I slowly got over the strangeness of raising my hands while sitting in a cafe with a handful of people and I look forward to many more services with my feet on a chair and a nice breeze passing through the room. And the funniest part? When the pastor tells the church body to stand to their feet, everyone downstairs does it too. When it’s time to pray, they pray too. Everything going on upstairs, goes on downstairs as well. It’s a different atmosphere, but it’s the same heart.

And God did answer my question: How is this any different than the people who don’t go to church but watch it on TV? The difference is that I was still a part of the church. After service ended Chris and I got to meet the pastors sitting downstairs at the table next to us who then introduced us to people they thought we’d be interested in meeting. We were able to love on others even more than if we were upstairs in a crowded room where we didn’t know how to meet people. In the end, there was nothing different about service downstairs except that it’s where I’m called to be right now.

So what should you get out of this? You should learn that worship is not about where you are, it’s about who you are. And to never think that God can’t speak to you or use you just because your situation has changed. There are many seasons in life and unfortunately, when a new season begins we have a tendency to fight it, challenge it, fear it and question God. But the truth is, without seasons, life would be very stale, boring and predictable. So wherever you are in life and your walk with God, enjoy your season. Whether it’s the beginning, middle or end, just know, it may change…and God will be there to help you transition through it. Just be open to it.

There IS Hope…

A must read on this Easter Sunday.

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Victory is on the Other Side of Failure

by Glynnis Whitwer

“The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.’” Matthew 28:5-6a (NIV)

Told by a teacher he was too stupid to learn: Thomas Edison

Fired from his job at a newspaper because he didn’t have good ideas: Walt Disney

A music teacher told him he had no hope as a composer: Beethoven

Falsely accused, arrested, killed: Jesus Christ

The disciples of Jesus must have been shattered that Friday. For three years they followed the man from Nazareth. They watched Him heal the sick, restore sight to the blind, and even raise people from the dead. When Jesus said, “I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness ” (John 12:46, NAS), they got it. Darkness enveloped the hearts of their countrymen. They needed a “Light.”

Twelve ordinary men abandoned everything to follow Jesus: jobs, family, and homes. Not with regret, but with hope. Hope for the promise Jesus offered. Look where it got them that Friday. Good Friday, we call it now. But it was anything but good to them. Jesus was dead – they’d witnessed the crucifixion. Only 11 now, they must have gathered that night after scattering throughout the city. Other followers joined them to mourn the death of the man they loved, and the death of the hope He offered.

On Saturday, they still gathered. No one left – though they could have. They could have packed up their things and put this failed adventure behind them. Back to fishing, back to family, back to normal. But no one left. In spite of what appeared to be complete failure of this new kingdom, everyone stayed. Faithful.

Saturday inched forward to noon, dusk, and then evening. The beauty of the night sky didn’t ease their pain. Perhaps they reminisced some. In hindsight, Jesus wasn’t really what they were expecting. When the prophets of old foretold a king would come to rescue them, they figured it would be someone imposing, with power, maybe with chariots to whip their enemies into submission. Some took longer than others to readjust their expectations. But when God opened their eyes to the beauty of His plan, they bought into it with their lives.

I’m sure troubled thoughts stole their sleep that Saturday night. Finally, in complete exhaustion their tired bodies overtook their worried minds. Sunday morning dawned. I imagine some woke up hoping it was all a bad dream. Then reality settled in, like heavy summer storm clouds. Jesus was still dead.

Two women got ready first and went to the tomb. Expecting to find the body of their beloved Savior, God treated them instead to a display of His power. With a violent earthquake shaki ng the ground, an angel of the Lord came from heaven, rolled back the stone covering the tomb and sat down on the rock. Hello!

The angel looked at the women, and spoke words that transformed them from hopeless to hope-filled: “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee” (Matthew 28:5-7a, NIV).

Can you even imagine the celebration? It had only looked like failure. Instead, it was glorious victory! Hope wasn’t dead. Jesus was alive! The disciples learned a lesson they would never forget: When God is involved, things aren’t always what they seem.

Today we see problems and failures with the same eyes as the disciples. Even knowing that God is able to do things beyond what we can imagine, when we look at a “failure,” we often only see an ending. God, however, sees an opportunity for a new beginning. As we celebrate Easter, may that truth nestle itself into our heart. With God all things are possible. He is risen!

Dear Lord, my heart is filled with thanksgiving and praise for You. How can I begin to thank You for sending Jesus, and for His sacrifice for me? Thank You also for the lesson that nothing is too big for You. Help me remember that truth when I’m facing what looks like failure. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
This devotion is adapted from a chapter on helping your children deal with failure in Glynnis’ book,When Your Child is Hurting

Do You Know Him?

Visit Glynnis’ blog – Welcome Home…Where Your Heart Longs to be!

The Character of God: Understanding His Heart for Us by Brian T. Anderson & Glynnis Whitwer

For more on the love of Christ, read The Most Beautiful Scars

Application Steps:
Have you had any “failures” in your life? Pick one that sticks out to you. Identify how God used that situation to open another door in your life, or redirect your path to something better. Then thank Him for His goodness.

Reflections:
From God’s perspective, what is true failure?

When you have failed in the past, what have people done or said that was most helpful to you at that time?

Power Verses:
Luke 18:27, “Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with men is possible with God.’” (NIV)

Isaiah 40:31, “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (NIV)