“She’s Got a Mouth on Her!”

“She’s got a mouth on her!”..definitely a phrase I’ve heard before but have never heard it used in my direction. Sure I have a mouth but it’s always been polite, truthful and one to be proud of. Heh okay, maybe I’m somewhere in between. Where do you stand?

I wasn’t going to set a New Year’s resolution but it seems God had a different plan. Right after the new year He told me to stop gossiping. WHAT? ME? I’m not a gossip! *Immediate offense begins.* But the thing I’ve learned about God is that He’s always right, whether I agree or not. So it took me a few days but finally I decided to ask Him “okay, how am I a gossip? I don’t see it.” And since then I’ve noticed the little things that I do and say that aren’t pleasing to Him.

In the dictionary, the meaning of gossip is “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others” or “rumor or report of an intimate nature”. Still, I didn’t think that was me. I’m really not known for walking around telling secrets and blabbing about who said and did what with ill intentions. But the thing is, the bible’s definition of gossip is a lot more cumbersome than the dictionary’s. God definitely holds us Christians to a higher standard. The bible teaches us that our words should not be idle and should be pleasing to God. Our words should build others up, not put others down. Our words should be spoken in love for ALL and never be boastful or full of pride. Fairly quickly I understood what I’ve been doing wrong.

It’s not that I’m a gossip in the worldly sense, but the truth is, many things come from my heart and out of my mouth that are not pleasing to God. You see, your words can go in 2 directions: pleasing to God or not pleasing to God. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a third option of “eh, I guess that’s okay” or “I really don’t care about that.” If God cares about every single hair on our head, I think he probably cares about every word we speak. Sure, giving someone a recipe could probably fall in that “I don’t care” category, but seeing as you’re sharing something positive with someone else without any pride in your heart, I think that’s probably a “pleasing” conversation. See what I mean?

Whenever God puts something like this on my heart I start doing research on what I could possibly do to change. Of course pray and ask God to change me but I’m a bit more of an action person than a “wait for a change” person. So I found a devotional called “30 Days to Taming Your Tongue” and have committed to reading a chapter each day and doing an evaluation of what came out of my mouth every night. I’m also journaling any reflections I have or things I feel from God about this. I don’t have much to report as I’m only on day 3 but I must say that I’ve already become more aware of the good and bad things I do/say each day.

I propose a challenge to you. Take an account of 1 day of your life. Evaluate the things you say and the intent to which you speak them. Take a look at your motive during conversations and the way you TRULY feel about certain things/people, whether you say them or not. And if you find things that aren’t up to the standard you think they should be, commit to changing. It’s a hard hard thing to do as a woman, but seeing as at the end of our life we’ll have to give an account of EVERY word spoken, it’s definitely a journey worth taking.

“She’s Got a Mouth on Her!”

“She’s got a mouth on her!”..definitely a phrase I’ve heard before but have never heard it used in my direction. Sure I have a mouth but it’s always been polite, truthful and one to be proud of. Heh okay, maybe I’m somewhere in between. Where do you stand?

I wasn’t going to set a New Year’s resolution but it seems God had a different plan. Right after the new year He told me to stop gossiping. WHAT? ME? I’m not a gossip! *Immediate offense begins.* But the thing I’ve learned about God is that He’s always right, whether I agree or not. So it took me a few days but finally I decided to ask Him “okay, how am I a gossip? I don’t see it.” And since then I’ve noticed the little things that I do and say that aren’t pleasing to Him.

In the dictionary, the meaning of gossip is “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others” or “rumor or report of an intimate nature”. Still, I didn’t think that was me. I’m really not known for walking around telling secrets and blabbing about who said and did what with ill intentions. But the thing is, the bible’s definition of gossip is a lot more cumbersome than the dictionary’s. God definitely holds us Christians to a higher standard. The bible teaches us that our words should not be idle and should be pleasing to God. Our words should build others up, not put others down. Our words should be spoken in love for ALL and never be boastful or full of pride. Fairly quickly I understood what I’ve been doing wrong.

It’s not that I’m a gossip in the worldly sense, but the truth is, many things come from my heart and out of my mouth that are not pleasing to God. You see, your words can go in 2 directions: pleasing to God or not pleasing to God. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a third option of “eh, I guess that’s okay” or “I really don’t care about that.” If God cares about every single hair on our head, I think he probably cares about every word we speak. Sure, giving someone a recipe could probably fall in that “I don’t care” category, but seeing as you’re sharing something positive with someone else without any pride in your heart, I think that’s probably a “pleasing” conversation. See what I mean?

Whenever God puts something like this on my heart I start doing research on what I could possibly do to change. Of course pray and ask God to change me but I’m a bit more of an action person than a “wait for a change” person. So I found a devotional called “30 Days to Taming Your Tongue” and have committed to reading a chapter each day and doing an evaluation of what came out of my mouth every night. I’m also journaling any reflections I have or things I feel from God about this. I don’t have much to report as I’m only on day 3 but I must say that I’ve already become more aware of the good and bad things I do/say each day.

I propose a challenge to you. Take an account of 1 day of your life. Evaluate the things you say and the intent to which you speak them. Take a look at your motive during conversations and the way you TRULY feel about certain things/people, whether you say them or not. And if you find things that aren’t up to the standard you think they should be, commit to changing. It’s a hard hard thing to do as a woman, but seeing as at the end of our life we’ll have to give an account of EVERY word spoken, it’s definitely a journey worth taking.

A 24 hour Giveaway!!! Enter Now!

I’ve never done a giveaway on my blog before but I’m looking forward to doing them in the future. This one is quick and simple. I have a coupon for a free John Frieda Precision Foam Colour (hair dye) ($12.99 value) that expires on 9/30/2011. So we’ve got to do this quick so whoever wins can use it before it expires!

How to Enter:  (each will get you 1 entry into the giveaway)

1. Leave a comment below telling me your favorite hair color (whether it’s real or fake!)

2. “Like” Proverb31 blog on facebook and leave me a comment here telling me you did so (or that you are already a fan).

3. Subscribe to the blog by either email or RSS Feed and leave a comment here telling me you did so (or that you are already a subscriber).

4. Send a friend to this post! Have a friend comment below saying that you sent them here and you’ll both be given an additional entry.

US Residents only. Giveaway closes Saturday 9/24/11 at 11am EST. Please make sure the email address you provide is the one you’ll respond to if you’re the winner!

Good luck!!

Consignment! YES!

Since becoming a SAHM I’ve become an (almost) master at getting what I want in budget. I admit that I’m a *little* bit of a clothes snob so clothes has been a bit more difficult than food and diapers. Not that I need designer clothes, but I don’t like wearing clothes that everyone has or are on every rack. And I’m the first to admit that there isn’t much better than the perfect fitting, last all day without stretching out jeans. So what’s a girl to do? My mother-in-law and I have become consignment advocates. She also does well at the TJ Maxx/Marshall’s stores but my luck has really been with local consignment stores. You can find clothes that aren’t in stores anymore and styles that can be anything from vintage to just last season so it’s PERFECT for my quirky taste. For all of my local readers, my women’s favorite consignment shops are: What’s New Again on Route 9 on the Fishkill/Wappingers border, Simply Chic in the town of Fishkill and Blackbird Attic on Main St. in Beacon (near the falls). For my little girl, not much beats Once Upon a Child (locations all over the country!)…although there is a cute shop in Beacon that I’ve been meaning to try out!

So that’s buying…but my new game is selling! The only thing better than saving money is MAKING money without working!

I sold a few things at What’s New Again…didn’t get as big a return as I had hoped for but it was enough to cover about half of what I’ve spent there in clothes. Once Upon a Child is great because they buy your used clothes/gear etc. on the spot and give you cash. No waiting around to see if someone is going to buy it. And now I’m putting together all of the things I’m going to be selling at Be Green Sale’s Semi-Annual Kids Consignment Sale, held right here in Fishkill next weekend and Westchester to follow. I attended last year on Friday for the new mom’s special night sale and made some really great purchases. I highly recommend you make plans to go and get there early! It’s big!! And consider selling next time, you don’t have to be at the event AND you set your own prices – definitely not the “usual” consignment rules!

So that’s it for me…those are my consignment recommendations. Feel free to comment below and add yours!

A Craft for the Not Crafty

If you know me you’re probably thinking “um, yea okay, you’re craftier than I am.” But the truth is, I’m not. I have the MIND of a crafter but absolutely no follow through, patience or ability to make things look as good as those crafty people out there. Really, just ask the 2 cross-stitch projects that are not finished, the countless puzzles started and then put away, the sewing machine that is fixed but untouched, the patterns and materials bought and sitting in the closet and all the pretty art supplies that look a little too clean after 4 years of owning them.

Anyone out there relating to this? Well I’m proud to say that I just did a “crafty” project in about 5 minutes and it’s something ANYONE can do!

Chris and I are constantly bothered by the coupons that print one to a page and then leave you with half a sheet of unused paper. If you’re as into couponing as I am, you have probably thought about this also. So we of course thought to use the paper as scrap paper but for people in an apartment attempting to stay clean and organized, there was really no smart way to store/use the scraps. But today I did something with them. I made a notepad out of materials I had around the house and no it’s not perfect nor worthy of selling but it’s good enough for me and most importantly, it was completely free, took about 5 minutes to complete AND is reusing materials I would have thrown out.

What you need: paper (any size, any color), a ruler if you’re fancier than I am, 1 colored paper/post it, a hole punch and a piece of ribbon.

All I did was trace one of my internet coupons and cut it out. I then used that as a “template” to create similar sheets with all of the paper I had. You can use a ruler and make it look real good but I just did it freehand. I then stacked all of the papers together and trimmed whatever edges really didn’t line up. Then I got fancy and took a colored post it and cut out a little rectangle to give the notepad a little color. I aligned the post it to the top and in small stacks, punched a hole in the center of each sheet. I then cut a piece of ribbon, stringed all of the papers together and tied the ribbon into a bow.

Yup, THAT’S IT. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s imperfect and I’m proud of it! I might even get crazy and glue a magnet to the back and hang it on the fridge.

Oh You Sexy Bible You

Yup you read the title right! The bible IS sexy. Nope, not speaking about Jesus being sexy or a God-fearing man being sexy or the physical book being sexy. I’m talking about a book within the book. Not Genesis…not Acts…certainly not Revelation…I’m talking about that often overlooked, under-preached about chapter, Song of Songs.

For the past 2 months I’ve been studying the Song of Songs with some friends and it’s been a really interesting and fun addition to my life. We’re watching Mark Driscoll’s series called “The Peasant Princess” (www.peasantprincess.com) and although we don’t agree with every word that comes out of his mouth, I think we’ve all grown as married women because of his wisdom on this sexy, sexy book.

My question to you is – have you ever read the Song of Songs in depth? We’re studying it word for word, chapter by chapter and it’s truly amazing how beautiful and poetic each scripture is. It’s so weird to think of scripture as being sexy but how else do you describe a sentence that reads “I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.” Yup, that’s in the bible. It also reads “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Too poetic? Well here’s a nice blunt one for you “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine.”

Now tell me that the bible isn’t sexy? If you’re a married man or woman and haven’t read the Song of Songs I highly recommend you do. It’s truly a beautiful book and story. There is so much to learn about how to keep your marriage full of passion and love and Mark Driscoll really helps you to take these scriptures and turn them into concepts that are easy to understand and actions that will help you develop your marriage in a healthy and beautiful way.

Take that Number and Shove It

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” – 1 Cor 6:19-20

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Cor 10:31

In church, on the radio, in books, we hear week after week about so many topics but we don’t hear too much on how being healthy is biblical. But it is. I proved it above. God has given us our bodies to take care of, to nourish, to value, to appreciate. But do we do it? How many of us overindulge in sweets? Under nourish our bodies? Cut out entire food groups to lose weight? Worship the number on a scale or on a tape measure? Talk more about how we look than how we ARE?

I’m fed up. Really, I am. I’m fed up with myself and every other person who joins me in this battle. God gave me this body for a reason. He gave me it to take care of, not to beat up so that I look the way I THINK I should look. Do you really think God created us all with individual minds, gifts, spirits and passions but meant for us to all look the same? Do you think it’s possible that MAYBE, just maybe, all women aren’t supposed to be a size 2 and all men aren’t supposed to wear a size 32 jeans.

I’m tired of looking at a number on a stupid piece of technology and judging myself on it. Crap, I gained 3 lbs this weekend…guess I should go on a diet. YES! I lost 2 lbs! What an achievement! Really? Is that how God sees it? I really don’t think so. So why can’t I?? It’s such a battle that controls many of us.

I’m all for eating healthy, exercising and taking care of our bodies. That’s definitely what God wants us to do. But the rest of it, I’m just not convinced is the way we’re supposed to be living. We need friends, not a scale, to hold us accountable and motivate us to reach our goals. We need God to guide us on whether or not to eat dessert, not the guilt we feel in the pit of our stomach. We need sunshine and joy to motivate us to exercise, not some overly processed magazine image or fitness-obsessed personal trainer.

It’s a battle. It’s a struggle. But it’s something we NEED to keep in perspective in order to be who we’re TRULY supposed to be. I know I know, says the “tiny” girl. But seriously, don’t judge a book by it’s cover nor a person by their appearance. You have no idea what people struggle with. Don’t judge, reach out and help one another.

What Will Be, Will Be

Howdy strangers. It’s been a while. Remember me? Well…remember my last post? If you don’t, go check it out. I had to re-read it before posting this blog and all I can say is “wow.” I was right on so far. Honestly, I haven’t thought much about what I wrote since I wrote it…but I guess what will be will be. I say this because everything I spoke about in my last post, has been so incredibly on-point with my life as of right now, 19 days later. That’s when you truly know that you hear from God.

That being said…was the easier part.

This part is a bit harder.

I’ve been blogging for a long time. I’ve actually developed some following. It amazes me. Thanks so much for reading what I have to say!

But the truth is, I don’t have much to say right now. God is doing such a quiet, humbling work in my life and I’m currently on a journey that isn’t meant for the public eye. He’s doing things in my heart that can’t be put into words. He’s opening my eyes to things that are meant for me alone to see. He’s opening doors that are marked with a sign “for members only” and the membership price is extremely high and the applications accepted are few.

So what am I trying to say? I’m saying that it’s official. As of right now, this blog is closed. Alive for people to read old posts but for the near future, no new posts will be written and published.

It’s been a fun and amazing journey but it’s just not what I’m supposed to be doing right now with my time. I’m sad and excited but I know that with God – what will be, will be. And things may change..but for now, my online blogging life door has been closed and I’m smiling at the other doors that are opening because of it.

Thanks for all of the love and support and comments and reading! You can still keep up with me on facebook and twitter and gmail and in person and all those other ways if you’re interested. And if not, that’s okay too. I’m believing that God has a plan much bigger than I could ever know.

With love,

Jess/Proverb31girl

We’re Breaking Up…

*Disclaimer: This is meant to be funny. True, but funny.

Dear Size 3 Jeans and XS/S shirts,

I’m sure you’ve seen this coming…we haven’t seen each other in months. We’ve both been very busy – you know, with me getting pregnant and having a baby and you…well you never changing. You’re the same as you’ve always been and you just don’t fit into my life anymore. We had some great times and I really appreciate everything you did for me. I just wish I appreciated you more  than I did now that I look back. I’ll never forget the feeling of leaving my 5/6 jeans behind; the day I discovered my insane lack of eating diet and over gym attendance would bring me to you. Ah that feeling of seeing that little label read SIZE 3, even though no one else ever knew or could tell a difference. I knew in my heart that you were always better than the other jeans…even if you cost the same amount and looked exactly the same. And you, oh my precious XS and S baby-tees…you kept my wardrobe looking like I was a little 14 year old girl all throughout college. For that, I thank you. Really. There is nothing like looking back at my 21st birthday and realizing that you were worth having in my life. You brought me the confidence to get wasted and dance on chairs, not caring what I was like on the inside…just how sexy I was on the outside. I just wish I knew back then how much you controlled my life.

But as I said, things are different now. I see you sitting in bags collecting dust, you and your out of style cuts and designs. And I see me, in my new, yet larger, clothes, enjoying life as a mom and wife. I’ve moved on. My new clothes and I don’t have the connection that you and I once had…but I think that’s for the best. Because a day will come that I will probably change sizes again and when that time comes, it won’t be so hard to say goodbye. I’ll end that relationship with a testimony that won’t be aimed towards young girls and the dangers of “label control” and vanity.

So this is goodbye. Thanks for the memories that will keep my life in perspective forever more. I just hope my readers never have to have a breakup like this. It’s painful to realize how controlling you were. How manipulative. How deceitful. So many promises that were broken and unrealistic ideas. Such vanity. And for what? The label goes on the inside of my clothes. And unless a day comes that the label is in large letters on the front of everything I wear, I’m determined to not let a number or letter control my life the way you did.

Sincerely,

(a much happier) Jess

Where’s Superman?

The past few days have been hard. My daughter has been teething and has been having stretches of time that are extremely difficult to handle. There are things I want to get done that aren’t getting done. There are things that HAVE to get done that I’m dreading. I had some bad dreams that woke me up at 3:30am the other day and situations that kept me from napping – so I drank a lot of caffeine – which then kept me up until about 6am the next day and then after 2 hours of sleep I had things to do and didn’t nap all day. There were stressful situations appearing and past hurts lingering in the air. I felt helpless and tired and alone in my little world. Desperate for superman to come and take charge. To make everything better. I prayed and prayed and waited for Jesus to send superman to my front door and say “let me do this for you. Go lay down for a while.” I waited for God to respond the way I thought he should. His daughter needed help so He should send someone to help her. It’s definitely the “makes sense” solution. But I quickly discovered that no one was coming to my rescue. Superman is not real. But I also realized that supermom isn’t either.

When I reached my peak, my limit, my point of “things really can’t get harder…I can’t handle this,” my husband offered to do some of the work that had to get done when he got home that evening. YES! Superman! I felt for one second. Soon followed by the overwhelming feeling that I didn’t need superman. I didn’t need physical help. I needed restoration. I needed to learn that I COULD do this. That I was called to do this. That many people do harder things. God quickly revealed the answer to my prayers. I needed to lean on HIS strength and I needed to know that these situations are stretching me and making me “able.”

I put on some soul-quenching music, specifically Charlie Hall’s “My Brightness “, “Your love is like a ROCK when I’m SPINNING around” and danced around the living room with my daughter. We smiled, we laughed, we had 3 minutes of restoration. I then realized that God gave me exactly what I needed – the knowledge that I was meant for this. I then had the most amazing (and productive) hour I’d had in days. I did all of the little things that were easy to do – no major projects – just took care of little things that were driving me nuts. I threw on some sneakers and took out the trash – breathing in the fresh air for the 2 minutes I was outside. I sorted the laundry and realized it wasn’t as much as I thought it was. I took a quick shower and loved the feeling of being clean and wearing comfy clean clothes. I did 1 game clean-up parties in each room (scroll down to learn what that is). Most importantly – I took the time to thank God for restoring my faith and confidence in the fact that He always knows best.

Sure God could provide help in the form of a friend or relative offering to help me out. And He will do that if and when it’s necessary. But as always, He knew that after the person went home, I probably wouldn’t be changed. I would just have a clean house and a (maybe) napping daughter. But He knew that I would feel this way again next week. Or next month. He saw the bigger picture.

Maybe you can’t specifically relate to this situation. Maybe you’re sitting there rolling your eyes (or just recalling the feeling from long ago) because you have more kids and more things to do and are handling it all. But maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there that needs to hear this. GOD WILL BE YOUR SUPERMAN. IT JUST MIGHT NOT BE IN THE WAY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE. In the movies, superman was predictable. Bad situation – he swoops in and saves the day by putting out a fire or catching a falling victim. He did it in the physical. But God can do that in ways that will save you from future situations. He can prevent future fires and falls. He can give you joy that’ll last past the tragedy. And that’s a message that anyone can get something from.

*A 1 song game clean-up party. What I do is pick a room and put on music. At the beginning of a song I straighten up as many things as I can in that room, moving as quickly as I can. All items that don’t belong in that room go into a pile, sorted by which room they belong in. Trash bag in hand or a “garbage pile” works too but make sure you have one or the other. When the song is over, take everything from your piles and put them in the room they belong in. It won’t clean your house the way you dream it should be cleaned. But it’ll take away the chaos and overwhelming feeling of cleaning the rooms later on. This can also be done with dishes and throwing a load of laundry in (if you have a washer and dryer). Songs are usually between 3 and 5 minutes long so the typical person won’t even lose an hour of their day doing this. It’s productive and it’s fun – give it a try!

A 10 Year Reflection

With my 10 year high school reunion taking place next month (although I’m not going), I’m forced to think about the last 10 years. I honestly expected my reaction to be “I can’t believe it’s been 10 years already…I’m getting so old!” but honestly my reaction was “Yeah, that seems about right.” And I realize this reaction is due to the fact that I’m so proud of my past 10 years. It’s not that I started out at the bottom and climbed the corporate ladder or even that I got married and had a baby…it’s that when I think about who I was 10 years ago, I don’t recognize that person anymore and I’m proud of it.

10 years ago I was a lost girl who had just entered a big scary university 3 hours away from home. In high school I had a lot of friends that spanned a lot of different types of friendships you can have. I had some best friends, some enemies, some people I hung out with just to feel cool and some people I was embarrassed to be seen with. I had boyfriends that lasted a year and others that lasted 3 days. My hair changed color by the month and my style did as well. I guess the only thing that was stable about me was the fact that I never stopped changing something in my life. Looking back, I think we call that being unhappy with ones self. But at the time, I just thought I was on the search for something better.

Unfortunately that search continued for years. Through college where I had a different group of friends every year (with the exception of a few, my Lucycakes (Alli) for example – hi!!), I changed my major a few times, I tried to switch schools a few times, I joined different clubs and spent more time talking online to my high school friends than I did trying to make new friends at school. That in turn led me to spending many weekends sitting on a Greyhound bus heading back home to spend time with the guy I had a crush on in high school. We ended up dating on and off all through college, successfully keeping me unattached and uninterested in anything new that might help me to find the happiness I was desperately seeking. Despite the advice of my parents and friends, I stayed in this pattern until it got worse. I dated some real “winners” and got into some things that I’ll never be proud of.

But somehow I managed to graduate college and move home to the place I was crazy about…until of course I lived there again. Through my dad’s connections I got an amazing internship working with celebrities and high-profile clients. It was great for my resume…and perfect for bringing this long downhill ride to a crashing end. Fancy clothes, weekly happy hour and parties with the coolest of the cool didn’t make me any happier. Of course I wasn’t depressed or even aware of my unhappiness at times, but I guess I was always searching for something to really complete things. To close the circle that would make me truly happy. It wasn’t a guy, figured that one out. It wasn’t an education, and it wasn’t a job, figured that one out too.

It took me until the end of 2004 when a geeky guy I met online invited me to watch him play in his band to figure it out. I had no connection to my creator. In fact, what I knew of God was what I experienced. And looking back, it had always been good experiences. I had random prayers throughout my life asking for things and these things always happened. Whether it was the simple prayer of “God, if you’re real, please help me to sleep tonight. I have a big test in the morning and I’m freaking out” or the selfish prayer of “God, if you’re real, I would really like ___” and then the prayer I was afraid to pray but promised I would, “God…if you’re real…will you please bring Jeff home alive to me and to his family? We’re so scared for him. He said I can’t be mad that he’s overseas fighting in the war but I am. I’m mad that he’s there and I want him here. He asked me to pray and I don’t really know how, or if I believe in you, but if you’re real, please…bring him and his friends home safely.” All prayers were answered. But it wasn’t until I was “tricked” into attending a church’s youth group that I realized it.

I spent 2004 and early 2005 getting to know some amazing Christians and really encountering God and his presence on my own. It was weird and I cried a lot without knowing why. I had my doubts and definite fears of this new lifestyle. But without realizing it, my life was suddenly on the rise up. I had this joy inside of me for what felt like no reason. I could spend hours with my eyes closed breathing the fresh air outside. I would get lost in music the way I didn’t know was possible. And on a red eye flight home from Las Vegas in March 2005 I decided that I couldn’t just play Christian anymore. I had to have this relationship with Jesus Christ like all of my friends, and now boyfriend (the guy from the band, not from the army..just in case I lost ya). In early April 2005 I prayed the prayer that changed my life. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and save the life I no longer had control of. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

So the next 5 years were spent with my boyfriend Chris who became my husband in 2006. And we had our little girl 4 months ago. I worked in trade show management for 4 1/2 years until God recently blessed us with the finances for me to be a stay at home mom. I have spent many hours in church being a youth leader, dance team leader, cafe worker, projector runner and most recently, just a member who loves God. I’ve met some amazing people along the way from all over the world. So many of them have made me who I am today.

I guess you can say that the past 10 years have been a roller coaster of change and emotions. It’s fun looking back and realizing how much things have changed and how truly happy I am with how things have turned out. I just hope I can say the same thing 10 years from now.

A big shout out to the Class of 2000. If you aren’t happy with the last 10 years, don’t take another 10 years to change.

All About My Pregnancy – in a fun way!

I found this survey and thought it would be fun to fill out. If you’ve recently had a baby, or not even that recently, feel free to reply with your answers!

1) Where were you when you first found out you were pregnant?
Officially found out at home after church on a Sunday afternoon

2) Who was with you?
Chris

3) How did you find out that you were pregnant?
Sitting at church, sick again, Lena suggested that I might be. Then Chris agreed. So after church we went to get a test and there ya go.

4) What was your first reaction to finding out you were pregnant?
Excited, nervous and scared lol

5) Your boyfriends/ Husbands/SO reaction?
He was really happy…and nervous

6) Who was the first person you told?
After Chris we told his mom. We promised her she could find out first since my parents were told first that we were getting married.

7) Did you plan to get pregnant?
Yes

Was everyone happy for you?
Of course!

9) Was anyone hating on you?
haha I don’t think so!

10) What made you decide to take a pregnancy test?
Chris saying that I might be pregnant. He was usually the one that told me he didn’t think I was pregnant when I thought I was.

11) Did you want to find out the sex?
Yea I’m too much of a planner not to know!

12) What was the sex?
Female

13) Did anyone throw you a baby shower?
Yup – my mom, mother in law and brothers girlfriends

14) What was the first thing you bought your baby?
Besides “necessities” I got her a minnie mouse baby blanket

15) Did you get anything at the baby shower that you hated? If so, what did you do with it?
haha I’m not commenting

16) Did your boyfriend/husband/SO read pregnancy books?
Yea He read the guys parts of What to Expect and any article I sent him

17) Did you loose all of the weight that you gained?
Not yet. I have about 8-10 lbs left

18) Did you get any stretch marks?
Yea I didn’t get them until the very end – so disappointing!

19) What did you crave the most?
Salad. I was a pretty boring pregnant person – nothing crazy

20) Did you crave anything crazy? If so, what?
See above

21) Who or what got on your nerves the most?
a certain co-worker who decided to tell me every time I gained weight and even pinched my thighs once!

22) Were you married at the time of conception?
Yes, just over 3 years

23) Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? If so, what?
I had high blood pressure early on but it calmed down with time

24) Where were you when you went into labor?
At home, late at night, watching Dan in Real Life on the couch

25) Did your water break or have to be broken?
The doc had to break it. Not exactly a comfortable situation.

26) Who drove you to the hospital?
Chris, at 3:04am

27) What was your due date?
July 3rd was the last estimate

28) Did you go into labor early or late in the day?
Around 12:30am

29) Who was in the room with you when you gave birth?
Chris, the nurse and my doc

30) Was it documented by photos or taped?
No way

31) Did you have any drugs for the pain?
Yea and boy did they help!

32) Did you go Natural or have a c-section?
natural

33) What was your first reaction after giving birth?
excitement, relief and then pain with the stitches!

34) How big was the baby (weight & length)?
7 lb 14 oz 19 1/2 inches

35) Did your boyfriend/ Husband/SO cry..lol?
not sure! I’m sure he got teary eyed

36) What did you name the baby (first & middle)?
Charlotte Grace

37) Did the baby have any complications? If so, what?
No she’s perfect

38) How old is the baby today?
3 1/2 months – I can’t believe it!

39) When would you like to have your next baby? If you do want another, what gender would you want?
I do want more…2 years apart would be good. I want another girl but I’d be happy with a boy too

40) Are you married now?
Yup

41) What does baby look like now?

Money Saving Tips that Won’t Make You Cringe

I’ve always been one for getting a good deal (it’s that Jewish part of me!). When I was younger I proudly came home with a  pair of blue sneakers that I bought new for 33 cents. I’ll never forget the looks on my dad and grandpa’s faces…I had topped any deal they’d ever gotten!

Well with now being a 1 income household, saving money and finding bargains isn’t a hobby anymore, it’s a necessity. But I refuse to compromise my happiness, so it’s requiring a strategy! Here is a list of things I’ve discovered. I hope you get something out of this and add to my list by commenting below. The guideline I live by is this: why pay more when I can pay less for the same thing?

1. Before purchasing ANYTHING, I ask myself: Will this benefit myself or my family? Will I get pure satisfaction from this purchase or will I regret it later? Will this purchase matter tomorrow or am I just giving in to my current “want.” This will help you make less emotional purchases (ie: frequent stops at starbucks/dunkin donuts, snack at a gas station, a shirt that’s on sale, another belt or hat, a new purse when the ones you have are fine, lunch out when there is food at home etc.)

2. Buy a water bottle that you love. I found that once I purchased a reusable, BPA free water bottle that suited all of my drinking needs, I was more likely to use it. I bought a $9.99 one at Target that has a pop off top that I can open with one hand and it’s slim enough to fit on the side of my diaper bag. It’s also easy to clean and holds a good amount of water. Now whenever I leave the house I bring a water bottle filled with fresh filtered water with me. It’s perfect for drinking in the car, at the mall, in church, food shopping etc. and *bonus* can be refilled for free anywhere that has a water fountain. This helps me to not purchase a drink because I’m out and thirsty. Get bored of this idea quickly? I mix it up by sometimes throwing in ice cubes and giving it a cold, fresh taste or fill it up with iced tea, juice or anything else I have in the house! Buy large bottles of soda/juice and fill up a water bottle – it’s much cheaper than buying cans and juice packs – plus you’re helping the environment.

3. Make your own beverages. Got some hot tea at home? Make your own pitcher of iced tea! It’s super easy and the instructions are usually right on the box. You can make your own flavors and sweeten it as you prefer. Not only is this free (since you have everything you need at home: tea, water and sugar) but it’s much better for you. Especially if it’s green tea!

4. Buy large and make small. You pay for convenience and packaging. Instead of snack packs and travel sized grocery items – buy the bigger bags/bottles and use ziplock bags to make your own portable snacks. It’s super easy to throw some pretzels in a bag and will be much cheaper than buying them that way. Too much work? Buy the portable snacks if it’ll keep you from purchasing food while you’re out. And, it’s much healthier for you, usually.

5. Coupons are your friend. Uncool? Maybe. But saving $8 off your grocery bill because you printed and cut a piece of paper seems worth it to me. I follow a few coupon blogs and save the posts that I’ll use. It’s much easier than finding the coupons yourself – these women are great at keeping up with the deals so you don’t have to! To do some looking on your own, visit: afullcup.com, coupons.com, smartsource.com, redplum.com and allyou.com. Also visit the websites of the brands you like as many post coupons (ie: Stonyfield Farms, Newmans Own).

6. Learn how to shop at CVS, Walgreens & Rite Aid. I usually only shop at CVS but a lot of people have luck at the other stores also. Once you sign up for their free extracare program you’ll receive coupons and special offers. You’ll receive cash back from purchasing certain items and learn about special deals. Also, CVS takes coupons so using them with sales and cash back offers you can really save some money. I’m not the best at explaining it but do a google search on shopping at CVS and you’ll find a few people who break it down real easy.

7. Buy what you need, not what’s on sale. I’ve learned that even if something is on sale, if it wasn’t something I needed – I still wasted money. This of course is different than stocking up on something you use a lot because it’s on sale. First thing, bad, Second thing, good.

8. Be careful of store credit cards and email updates. It sounds harmless. It even sounds beneficial. But I found that the more emails I got telling me about special deals and offering me coupons, the more I felt the need to shop. Unless they’re offering me something free, it’s best for me to only go shopping when I need to go shopping. So instead of the updates, I just do some research. Visit retailmenot.com and look up what deals are going on at your favorite stores. You’ll be able to get coupon codes and printable coupons just as easy usually.

9. Ordering online can be a real great idea, if you know how to work the online magic. Sign up for ebates.com and receive cash back just for shopping online. Visit retailmenot and get some coupon codes. Try everything! Sometimes you’ll be able to use more than 1 coupon code, offering you a great deal. And be careful of shipping costs. A lot of sites will offer free shipping if you spend a certain amount. Only do this if you can stock up on items you need. Don’t “find something” just to make the cut off. Chances are it’s still cheaper to pay the shipping cost.

10. Do your research! Google shopping is an easy way to find out which store has what you’re looking for the cheapest.

11. Don’t eat out – instead, learn to enjoy eating in. It’s expensive to eat out and you usually don’t get a second meal out of it. But eating in usually requires cooking, cleaning and preparation. What I’m doing is making cooking an enjoyable part of the day rather than something I have to do. I bought a cute apron that I enjoy wearing and found a few new recipes I thought would taste yummy. I pour myself a drink, put on some music and find the joy in cooking. I try to find recipes that will produce leftovers so that we have lunch for the next day. For the days there aren’t leftovers, I make sure we have a few “emergency lunches” on hand so that we don’t purchase lunch often. Canned soup, bread, peanut butter, frozen waffles, cereal and oatmeal are often on hand for Chris who eats at work. For me eating at home, I could always make eggs or a baked potato…usually even a hot dog Eating out might be fun but it’s costly and you don’t always know how good the ingredients are so it’s safer to make your own food.

12. Make coffee at home. We buy organic coffee from Sam’s Club and save an insane amount of money by filling up our travel mugs when we’re out on a weekend or heading to work in the morning. Feel like you’re missing out? We’re learning to add spices to our coffee to make the usual brew not so boring. So now when we head over to Starbucks, we truly enjoy our 400 calorie $4 beverages

13. Consignment shops and 2nd hand stores. I always thought Goodwill and Salvation Army when this topic came up.. And personally, I’ve had no luck there over the years. Little did I know there a lot of consignment shops in our area (2 right on main street in beacon, 1 in hopewell, 2 in fishkill) and these stores carry clothes of a higher quality. Got kids? Shop 2nd hand! There is a line of stores called Once Upon a Child that really has some amazing things for cheap prices. Really want something new? Go for it, just try and use a coupon I believe nothing good comes from never treating yourself. You just can’t do it all of the time.

I know there are some more things I’m missing but I’ll leave you with a few words instead: crock pot, coupons, research, passing on, clothes swapping, bulk bins, reusable bags, no waste, baking, creative cooking, less is more, creativity, Netflix, Redbox, single song downloads, Amazon free mp3 downloads, warehouse stores, free trials, do it yourself projects, hand wash and lastly the phrase “do I really need it?”

Please comment below with your money saving solutions! Good luck and have fun

Making the Hard Decision

There are times in life that we know what we’re supposed to do; whether it’s something a teacher tells us to do, a parent encourages us to pursue or a feeling coming from within. Those decisions are easy decisions. We know we’re supposed to do something and then we have to choose between 2 options: doing it or not doing it. Clear cut, black and white, yes or no, there is a correct answer. Listen or don’t listen.

But then sometimes in life we have to make hard decisions. Decisions where there is no right or wrong. Where we have to make a choice without having proof that it’s the right thing to do. There is no crystal ball saying go down this path and God hasn’t shut all other doors making this choice the only option. It’s a hard decision that no one else can make for you – you just have to make it and see how things play out based on that decision. It’s the scariest choices in life but in the end, the most rewarding. These choices help challenge our beliefs and make us weigh our priorities. They make us grow as individuals and help us become a better version of who we are today.

I had to make a hard decision recently. I had to decide what I wanted to do once my maternity leave ended. For months I’ve been fantasizing about being a stay at home mom. To spend the day raising my daughter the way I see fit and not missing a precious moment of her life. About not being controlled by “the man” and working a desk job. But these were all fantasies. They were “Jess daydreams.” I wasn’t the type of person to just quit her career to stay home and be…a housewife. “Just” a mother. The person who cooks, cleans, does laundry, changes diapers and joins a mommy and me group. I worked my butt off in high school. I went to a great, but very hard college and graduated with a good degree. I worked not 1, but 2 non-paid internships to advance my resume in the pile of entry-level applicants. I worked summer jobs and temporary positions. I finally landed a good position in a company that pays for me to travel and stay in fancy hotels. I worked my way up and have favor among the decision makers in the company. I get bonuses and raises. I’m somebody in the career world and I worked hard to get there.

But then the tears formed. Day after day, night after night. Mostly in secrecy as I was confused by these feelings. I was supposed to go back to work and help provide for my family. To do my part. We got Charlotte into the daycare of our choice and I was able to have a fully paid 3 month maternity leave. It was all set. The plan was in motion. But still, the tears came more and more each day. Until finally I broke down and had to admit that it wasn’t emotions anymore. There was something inside of me screaming that my priorities in life had changed and it was time to make a decision. The hard decision to be a stay at home mom. That I would still be “doing my part” for my family, it just wouldn’t be in a financial way. Instead of rushing off to day care I would be making my husband’s coffee in the morning and seeing him out the door. Instead of chatting with coworkers over coffee I will be sipping my coffee as I wake my daughter up for her first feeding of the day. Instead of attending morning meetings I will be strategically planning my day. Instead of doing lunch with co-workers or reading a book I will be tickling my daughter and watching her smile and make noises that she hasn’t made before. Instead of returning calls to international companies I will be making doctors appointments and running errands. Instead of sitting in traffic trying to get home I will be making dinner so my husband can have something to look forward to while sitting in traffic. And instead of trying to get a million things done in my non-work time AND spend time with my family, I will enjoy the overwhelming peace that comes along with our new, tight budget.

So goodbye Outback Steakhouse take-out, goodbye coffee & lattes every weekend while shopping, goodbye buying things whenever I want and goodbye fancy restaurants & parties in the city. Instead, I choose my family. I choose the smiles and laughter. I choose the peace and home-cooking. I choose the budget. I choose the careful spending. I choose being “just a mom” and realize that it’s not that at all. It’s the right decision for me.

*Disclaimer: I’m in no way putting down or judging any mother that has to or chooses to work. I think it’s one of the hardest things a woman can do. It’s just not the right decision for me right now.

Jess’ Guide to Month 9, Labor & the Hospital

A few months ago I wrote a post about what I learned being pregnant. It was a big hit so I’ve decided to do a follow up post about the rest of my pregnancy lessons. Missed the first post? Check it out here.

Pre-Labor

• Keep reminding yourself that the baby WILL come out. You will not be pregnant forever…even if baby is late.
• As hard as it will be, DO NOT count down until your “due date.” Baby is going to come when baby wants to come.
• Have fun setting up the baby room/nursery but don’t go too crazy. Once I arrived home with Charlotte I realized that the drawers I put everything in made NO sense. Chances are, you’re going to move everything once you develop your own system.
• You will probably get A LOT of newborn clothes. DO NOT wash everything. We have a pile of clothes that she already outgrew and never got to wear. Remember, those cute onesies CANNOT be worn until the umbilical cord falls off. Charlotte’s took over 2 weeks, so she outgrew a lot of clothes before being able to wear them.
• SwaddleMe Sleepsacks have been lifesavers for us. She falls right asleep when wearing one (usually).
• Get a washable/waterproof/vinyl changing pad. DO NOT get the pretty non-waterproof/non-vinyl covers. One little drop of pee and you have to put it in the wash.
• Got a lot of duplicate “baby items” from your shower but don’t have receipts? You have a few options. Go online and add them to your registry (check babiesrus before other stores – their prices are higher so you’ll get more for the return!). Then you can return it to the store without a receipt. Can’t find it on the registry? Go to target or walmart. Both stores will let you return items without receipts. Target gives store credit, walmart gives cash back up to $20 I believe and then store credit after that. We ended up returning a lot of items, keeping 1 of each, and decided to buy more as needed. So far, it hasn’t been needed and we got $30 to Target just from powders, cremes and lotions!
• Buy diapers now. In your first few weeks you won’t want to run out and buy diapers. I loved the Huggies Pure & Natural for newborns because it has a special dip in the front so you don’t cover the umbilical cord. Nothing more challenging than folding down a diaper correctly at 3am.
• Keep walking/exercising. It’ll keep your mind clear and baby moving. It’s the best way to help baby along.
• Enjoy some last date nights (if it’s your first child). Chances are you’re not going to want to use a babysitter in the first few months so this may be your last real date for a while. Chris and I had 3 last dates and all were worth it.
• If people offer you baby clothes/items, take them and wash immediately. You won’t know what baby likes and what you like until he/she is already here and getting to a store isn’t as easy.
• RELAX and enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy. It’s hard to do. And you’re tired and usually in some kind of discomfort but remember, it’s the last time your name won’t be mom for the rest of your life
• Buy books, movies, tv show boxsets etc. While waiting for baby and as a new mom you’ll be up many hours for different reasons.
• Braxton hicks contractions are different than real ones. But if you’re anything like me – you won’t be able to tell the difference.
• Got an iphone or app-friendly phone device? Get the contraction tracker app! It’s free and a real easy way to track how long and frequent your contractions are. It’s how I knew it was time to take a trip to the hospital.
• There is a long list of signs you might be going into labor in many books. Use them as a reference. I didn’t get some of the signs ever and honestly, many of them came just a few hours before I went into labor. Don’t get discouraged…everyone is different.
• Pack your bag for the hospital! Here’s my suggestions that might not be too obvious: hair brush and tie, mascara/light makeup, bath robe & slippers, disposable razor, toothbrush & tooth paste, cheap but cute nursing pajamas (or you can wear the robes they give you- i did both), lotion/stretch creme, deodorant, chapstick, comfy go home clothes (maternity clothes still), cell phone charger, camera.
• Go food shopping/make and freeze food. You will NOT be up for cooking and hubbie won’t be either. We lived off of pre-made chili for many days.
• Sanitize/sterilize bottles, pacifiers etc. before baby comes. I didn’t think to and didn’t realize it should definitely be done before using them. Put bathing things together in a basket and organize clothes so newborn outfits are easy to grab and 6 months clothes are out of reach.

Labor/Hospital

• Not sure if you should go to the hospital yet or if contractions are real? Call your doctor. I was afraid of bothering him with stupid questions and false labor but they get calls all of the time and are the only ones that know what you should do. Don’t be afraid to look stupid.
• I was told that if you’re just saying “ow” then you’re not going into labor. This may be true for some, but do you know how high your pain tolerance is? I obviously didn’t. I was saying “ow” when I was already hours into labor. Use your own judgement.
• Not sure if it’s a real contraction? Try moving (if you’re sitting, stand up etc.). If it gets worse/stays the same, it’s probably real.
• Communicate with your husband/ride to the hospital. If you don’t need to do a movie-like panic run th the car speeding to the hospital scene, don’t do it. There will be enough going on. Stay calm, breathe, and remember, he’s probably as nervous as you are.
• Be honest with your nurses. If you’re in pain, tell them. If you feel pain coming on but think you can handle it a bit longer, tell them NOW. Hospitals get busy out of no where and you don’t want to be stuck waiting for pain medicine when you really need it.
• Stay positive, stay light hearted, and remember, it’s just one (usually) really long day. It WILL end and your baby WILL come out one way or another.
• If your hospital room has a TV in it, put something fun and light on. We watched 90s tv sitcoms during labor, during pushing and for days in recovery. It’s nice to have something to look at but not really feel the need to WATCH it. Home Improvement was on when Charlotte was born. Who knew I’d be looking at Tim Allen while pushing my first child out. haha.
• “Now is not the time to be a super hero” – Dr. Rudnicki. Take the pain medicine unless you’re really against it.
• It will hurt. But you will have a little baby in your arms when it’s all over.

Hospital Stay

• A lot of people will want to visit. You may want to limit it. You and husband and baby will be very tired and worn out…remind people they can visit you when you get home. And keep your nurse in the loop, she’s usually willing to kick people out of the room so you don’t have to be the bad guy.
• Not sure if you want to have baby sleep at night in the room with you or in the nursery? I suggest the nursery. You’re going to be exhausted and glued to your bed in recovery. Let the nurses soothe his/her crying and change diapers for a few nights. You’ll have MANY chances to do it yourself later on. Plus, if there are any complications – they know what to do and you don’t. Charlotte had one night of choking on mucus she was coughing up. I would have freaked out if I was alone with her when it happened.
• Planning on nursing? The nurses will bring baby to you in the middle of the night so that you can. Just make sure they know this is what you want – if not, they’ll give him/her formula from a bottle.
• Questions? ASK NOW! Nurses and doctors are all around you. Don’t be embarassed. It’s harder to call later on.
• Anything in the hospital room WILL get thrown out so take it home with you! From the disposable post-pregnancy underwear to the huge maxi pads to the baby’s hair brush.
• Witchhazel pads/Tucks and ice packs feel amazing for your sore area. Make sure to bring them home with you AND buy some more when needed.
• Take a shower, brush your hair, put on a little makeup…it’ll help you to feel so much better. Especially if you’re going to have visitors who want to take pictures..and they will.
• Speaking of pictures, call the shots. I told everyone I did not want my “just had a baby” pictures posted anywhere and they respected that. Take some so you have them, but the world doesn’t need to see you in a gown with crazy hair and a fat, tired face unless you want them to.
• Heard that you leave the hospital looking 6 months pregnant? Unfortunately it’s true. It takes days/weeks to not look pregnant anymore. And then, you still have a mushy belly. But remember, you did JUST have a baby.
• Take some of the hospital time to relax with just your family. The nurses take care of you and bring you food and pain meds. Your hubbie will want some quiet time and your baby may not want to be passed around all day long. Your first days home will be tiring and overwhelming, take advantage of the hospital help.

So that’s all I can think of. I’m sure there are more things but I think that’s enough. I will leave you with one funny story. Our first night (or 2nd) back at home, I had to wake up to feed Charlotte. So I set the alarm and somehow opened my eyes after only a few hours of sleep. But I woke up confused and panicked. I woke up Chris because I couldn’t figure out how to sit the bed up to feed her. I was hitting the side of the mattress looking for the controls. It took me a few minutes to realize that I wasn’t in the hospital and my mattress did not have controls. It was a really funny moment that I’ll never forget.