The Perfect Family…or not.

One of my favorite movies is the female-charged roller derby flick “Whip It.” I could sit here and quote the whole movie but instead I’ll jump straight to the quote that has inspired this blog post: (view actual scene here) “Just because you found a new family doesn’t mean you throw the old one away…”

I don’t know about you, but I could probably take a guess and say that Bliss (Ellen Page) and myself are not the only ones who have found a new “family” at one point in their life and thought about getting rid of their “old” family. It’s common and unfortunately some people really do it. But I’m here to talk you through that and hopefully you won’t, tempting as it may be.

The concept of family is a bit confusing to me. Two people love each other and get married (or that’s how it used to be) and start a family. Sometimes it’s 1 kid, sometimes it’s more…but either way, the couple produces an offspring. This person is then raised by their parents (usually) and grows up surrounded by the earlier generations of this family. All of these people share genes and therefore have overlapping traits, personalities and learned habits. However, each person has their own unique qualities as well. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t question God, but seriously…it just sounds like a setup for disaster. So that’s my conclusion – family = disaster. SO WHY DO WE EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

So many people are out searching for their “perfect” family…the Brady Bunch concept. Well ya know what, the Brady Bunch wasn’t perfect and neither is anyone else. God put a bunch of imperfect people together “for life” to help people LEARN how to love. Love is a feeling/emotion/concept that comes easy when you get to choose the person. Everyone else you have to learn how to love. That goes for your blood family, your adopted family (if you have one), your church family, your married into & extended family…all families are disaster zones. But God commands us to love and forgive and move forward. The bible tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. This is not a concept just for the prophets or teachers or “good” people. Learning to love and learning to forgive is for everyone and it’s what helps a family stay together and grow together. It’s so unfortunate that some people don’t see it that way and this concept/trait is a growing epidemic. Kids raised with unforgiving/not loving parents are usually not equipped to break the cycle and therefore will teach it to their kids and so on. We as children (no matter what age) have to make the active decision to break these hereditary curses. It just takes 1 person to break the chain and change the future of their family tree. Are you brave enough to be that person? To swallow your pride and selfishness and agree to disagree with someone? To forgive when it’s painful to even THINK about it. To apologize to the hardest people to admit failure to. To choose to love those that don’t seem worthy of loving…

The truth is, if you don’t learn to love and forgive – you’ll never find a family that’ll live up to your standards. All you’ll be left with is a lot of “old” families that you threw out.

I’ll leave you with one last movie quote from another favorite of mine. “Love is not a feeling – it’s an ability” – Dan in Real Life