A 10 Year Reflection

With my 10 year high school reunion taking place next month (although I’m not going), I’m forced to think about the last 10 years. I honestly expected my reaction to be “I can’t believe it’s been 10 years already…I’m getting so old!” but honestly my reaction was “Yeah, that seems about right.” And I realize this reaction is due to the fact that I’m so proud of my past 10 years. It’s not that I started out at the bottom and climbed the corporate ladder or even that I got married and had a baby…it’s that when I think about who I was 10 years ago, I don’t recognize that person anymore and I’m proud of it.

10 years ago I was a lost girl who had just entered a big scary university 3 hours away from home. In high school I had a lot of friends that spanned a lot of different types of friendships you can have. I had some best friends, some enemies, some people I hung out with just to feel cool and some people I was embarrassed to be seen with. I had boyfriends that lasted a year and others that lasted 3 days. My hair changed color by the month and my style did as well. I guess the only thing that was stable about me was the fact that I never stopped changing something in my life. Looking back, I think we call that being unhappy with ones self. But at the time, I just thought I was on the search for something better.

Unfortunately that search continued for years. Through college where I had a different group of friends every year (with the exception of a few, my Lucycakes (Alli) for example – hi!!), I changed my major a few times, I tried to switch schools a few times, I joined different clubs and spent more time talking online to my high school friends than I did trying to make new friends at school. That in turn led me to spending many weekends sitting on a Greyhound bus heading back home to spend time with the guy I had a crush on in high school. We ended up dating on and off all through college, successfully keeping me unattached and uninterested in anything new that might help me to find the happiness I was desperately seeking. Despite the advice of my parents and friends, I stayed in this pattern until it got worse. I dated some real “winners” and got into some things that I’ll never be proud of.

But somehow I managed to graduate college and move home to the place I was crazy about…until of course I lived there again. Through my dad’s connections I got an amazing internship working with celebrities and high-profile clients. It was great for my resume…and perfect for bringing this long downhill ride to a crashing end. Fancy clothes, weekly happy hour and parties with the coolest of the cool didn’t make me any happier. Of course I wasn’t depressed or even aware of my unhappiness at times, but I guess I was always searching for something to really complete things. To close the circle that would make me truly happy. It wasn’t a guy, figured that one out. It wasn’t an education, and it wasn’t a job, figured that one out too.

It took me until the end of 2004 when a geeky guy I met online invited me to watch him play in his band to figure it out. I had no connection to my creator. In fact, what I knew of God was what I experienced. And looking back, it had always been good experiences. I had random prayers throughout my life asking for things and these things always happened. Whether it was the simple prayer of “God, if you’re real, please help me to sleep tonight. I have a big test in the morning and I’m freaking out” or the selfish prayer of “God, if you’re real, I would really like ___” and then the prayer I was afraid to pray but promised I would, “God…if you’re real…will you please bring Jeff home alive to me and to his family? We’re so scared for him. He said I can’t be mad that he’s overseas fighting in the war but I am. I’m mad that he’s there and I want him here. He asked me to pray and I don’t really know how, or if I believe in you, but if you’re real, please…bring him and his friends home safely.” All prayers were answered. But it wasn’t until I was “tricked” into attending a church’s youth group that I realized it.

I spent 2004 and early 2005 getting to know some amazing Christians and really encountering God and his presence on my own. It was weird and I cried a lot without knowing why. I had my doubts and definite fears of this new lifestyle. But without realizing it, my life was suddenly on the rise up. I had this joy inside of me for what felt like no reason. I could spend hours with my eyes closed breathing the fresh air outside. I would get lost in music the way I didn’t know was possible. And on a red eye flight home from Las Vegas in March 2005 I decided that I couldn’t just play Christian anymore. I had to have this relationship with Jesus Christ like all of my friends, and now boyfriend (the guy from the band, not from the army..just in case I lost ya). In early April 2005 I prayed the prayer that changed my life. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and save the life I no longer had control of. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

So the next 5 years were spent with my boyfriend Chris who became my husband in 2006. And we had our little girl 4 months ago. I worked in trade show management for 4 1/2 years until God recently blessed us with the finances for me to be a stay at home mom. I have spent many hours in church being a youth leader, dance team leader, cafe worker, projector runner and most recently, just a member who loves God. I’ve met some amazing people along the way from all over the world. So many of them have made me who I am today.

I guess you can say that the past 10 years have been a roller coaster of change and emotions. It’s fun looking back and realizing how much things have changed and how truly happy I am with how things have turned out. I just hope I can say the same thing 10 years from now.

A big shout out to the Class of 2000. If you aren’t happy with the last 10 years, don’t take another 10 years to change.