Expectations: Choose Wisely

Expectations are probably the biggest source of many people problems. You know what I’m talking about – the issues that arise between 2 fairly intelligent people. I’ve been learning how expectations and assumptions can really tear a situation to pieces very quickly. “He said” “She said” He should have” “She should have” “I didn’t”….phrases sound familiar huh? It’s called shifting the blame away from yourself based upon expectations or assumptions. And we all do it.

But what happens when it’s done to you and there is nothing you can do about it? Well I’m finding that you have 3 choices. You can defend yourself, you can get walked all over, or you can get through it and move on.

The choice to defend. It’s somewhere in our blood that we don’t like to be wrong or challenged. We all have it. That need to be right, to be justified, to be defended. Whether we defend ourselves or we find the right person to stand by our side, we’ll fight to the end to not accept the blame being placed on us…whether it’s accurate or not. In the end, I find that this accomplishes nothing except a nice big wedge between the accused and accuser. In the end, you both are stubborn and no one is right. It’s a situation that doesn’t get solved…just ignored until it happens again.

The choice be get walked all over. Call it insecurity, call it a door mat, call it a people-pleaser. Call it what you will, but in the end, whether you were right or wrong, you’re giving someone else the upper hand and admitting to being wrong, even if you weren’t. Some people call it being peaceful but I don’t think there is anything right about another person’s expectations becoming your reality. I don’t believe in giving power to evil doing or keeping quiet when something needs to be said. In the end, you both lose. You are accepting a reputation or mindset that you didn’t earn and the accuser is given the ego and power of conquering a situation. And things between the 2 of you will never be the same. This situation WILL happen again and you’ve now enabled it to happen to someone else as well.

The choice to get through it and move on. Someone else’s expectations  and assumptions are not your fault. You cannot take responsibility for the way another person thinks. However, you can take responsibility for how you react to them. You can hear the person out, talk about the confusion and apologize for a misunderstanding when you can understand their point of view. You’re not accepting the blame, but you are being compassionate of the frustration they have felt because of the situation. You can voice your side of the story and figure out between the 2 of you how to avoid this in the future. And then you can both move on with this situation behind you. Honestly, you both win.

So what happened to cause this blog you ask? Life happened. Work happened. God created people and Eve ate the apple. It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday, last week, last month or last year. These situations arise when people have to interact with one another. Next time remember that you DO have a choice in how you deal with situations. Choose wisely.