Take a Step Back

Every day I get closer to being a mom. And lately, it’s got me thinking a lot about my mom.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, always have, always will…but if I’m honest, I’ll admit that I don’t often think about her and what she’s done for me. But lately I have been. All of the dance practices she took me to and weekends away so I could compete. All of the ice cream she bought me when I didn’t win and the “dance gear” she bought me when I did. All of the dinners she cooked for me and lunches she packed. The toys she got me and the hours she spent taking care of me instead of working. Then later on all of the years she probably spent wondering why I didn’t like her and what she could have done differently. It’s a lot to think about if you haven’t thought about it much before.

Today my thoughts have gone passed the natural things she’s done and more towards the emotional/mental side of my mom. What does she think about when she’s all alone? Does she look in the mirror and think she’s pretty? Does she truly believe that she’s cherished and loved by my dad and the rest of us? What is she afraid of? Does she know that she’ll go to heaven when she dies? Is she afraid to die? Does she wish I were different?

The questions are endless. And maybe one day we’ll have the type of relationship that I can ask her these things. But we’ve never really been like that. I love her and we have fun when we get together, but we don’t really talk about these things. Which makes me wonder, what kind of relationship will I have with my daughter? Will she know that I believe I’m beautiful and that I know I’m cherished by my husband? I sure hope so.

In the end, I guess my point is that if we step back, we’ll often see people for much more than what we actually see with our eyes. And when we do that, we truly have the power to change any relationship…no matter what point they’re at.