Guilty.

I really like posting and talking about the things I do right. I’m my biggest fan some days. But every once and a while I guess it’s necessary to post about the “other” me days. The days where I’m not so great and glamorous. The days I don’t praise God in my sickness and disappointment. The days where I’m just plain guilty and as Lysa pointed out in her blog today: ugly.

Last Saturday Chris and I took an adventure around the Hudson Valley. We went to FDR Mansion and Woodstock and attempted the Ulster County Fair and walked Main Street in New Paltz. There were good and bad times. The bad was getting 9 bug bites in 30 minutes of walking around FDR. The good was the sunshine and animals and waterfalls.  The bad of Woodstock was that there was no Ben & Jerrys as we thought there was. The good was driving around back roads and talking about the appeal of being a hippy. The bad times about the Ulster County Fair was that we sat in traffic for half an hour to find out the grounds were flooded and we’d have to part at SUNY New Paltz and shuttle over. The good times were choosing to not go and take a long but fun journey through Gardiner, NY and discovering the Red Rooster Cafe. The good time of New Paltz was sitting at a table eating homemade ice cream (finally!). The bad of New Paltz is why I’m writing this blog.

With all of the good and bad that happened that day – the only real thing that sticks out in my mind is the bad that I let myself become that day. The real ugly, rude side of me that I wish was gone.

Most of you that read this know me. I’m nice but I’m not exactly outgoing and overly friendly, especially if I don’t know you. So now imagine this. Chris and I are walking up Main St. in New Paltz. The road is jam packed with traffic because of the fairgrounds. As we’re walking I hear “JESSICA!” being shouted. So on the second shout (all people with common names know this feeling) I turn around, expecting someone to be shouting at another Jessica and I’d turn back around feeling slightly foolish. To my shock, there was a car filled with people across the street hanging out their windows shouting at me. “ME??”, I think. “Who are these people??” So as any nice Christian girl would do, I stared at them, looked at Chris, turned back around and kept walking. They kept shouting after me “Jessica! It’s been a long time!!” And I turn around again, look at them, still have no clue who they are, and walk away.

WOOO could I be a ruder biotch or what??

By the time I realized what I had done the car was gone. I felt absolutely horrible and ashamed of myself. No person should ever be that rude, let alone someone claiming to be CHRIST-LIKE.

So I did what any guilty person might do. I convinced Chris to get in the car and go to the fair so that we could find them and I can find out who they are and apologize for being so horrible to them. So we got in the car and sat in the same traffic they did, only to not see them again. *sigh*

This memory will haunt me forever. And at that moment I made a promise to myself and to God that I will try my best to NEVER do that again. No person ever deserves to have a reaction like that. Especially when they’re just trying to be friendly!

So this blog isn’t to have you post a comment telling me we all make mistakes. It’s to challenge you to find something in you that isn’t so pretty and ask God to help you make it pretty. This world needs more people that are pretty on the inside. I plan on being one of them.