Dealing

I’ve realized over the years that people deal with situations & emotions differently. I know, it’s kind of like a “duh!” moment when thought about simply…but take a second and really think about it. How do you deal with things? Hurts, saddness, disappointment, excitement, anxiety, abandonment, resentment…

I find that it’s not so easy to analyze yourself. Sure you can think about your significant other, best friend, father and co-worker…but can you seriously think about it from a mirror perspective? It’s honestly not something I ever thought, or wanted, to do. But I did it accidentally not long ago. And again today.

When I was younger I hid in my walk-in closet. I’d take my (fill in negative emotion here) and shut myself in my closet. Bundled with blankets and a journal, I would cry and write myself out of how I was feeling…even if it took hours. Part of me hoped my parents would come in and make everything all better, and part of me hoped no one would notice I was gone. Sitting here at the age of 26 I realize that not much has changed. When something is wrong part of me hopes someone will reach out and try to help me, and part of me wishes everyone would disappear and leave me to my tranquil torture. But this time I traded my closet for my bed and added a hot cup of coffee. I don’t know what it is about coffee, but it just seems to make everything better. Or at least it feels that way for that short moment. That first sip is like a drag of a cigarette to a smoker, a first shot to a drinker, the first shake to a dancer, the first breath of fresh air to a runner, and the first tear to a crier. Now I’m not saying that it’s a healthy comfort…I’m just saying that the first taste of the thing you love is that tiny bit of hope that the future may not feel as horrible as the present feels.

And then, as with all tangible things, by the time you’re done with whatever it is you’re doing, you’ll have to face what drove you to this point…and make your first step towards fixing your future.